5 Signs You’re Too Old for the Club

My 40-something cousin and I were talking about the dating scenes in both our cities. Eventually, we got around to discussing where we spend time outside of work (and the fact that we rarely see eligible men in these places). You won’t find either of us desperately hanging out in sports bars or barber shops hoping to get some random dude’s attention, but you’d find us in these spots before you’d find us at a nightclub.

We agreed that after about 25, it’s time to retire the VIP pass and save the club hopping for special occasions, like bachelorette parties or milestone birthdays. Why? I’ll tell you why. Nobody wants to be the old chick up in the club. How can you tell whether you’re she? Here are my Top 5 signs.

1. You run into someone you used to babysit.
At first you’re happy to run into little Tyler from your old church. You remember when he was playing with Power Rangers and thought girls were yucky. Then, you realize he’s at least 21, and that makes you … slightly depressed and too old to be in the club.

2. You only want to dance to the DJ’s old school set.
You’re tapping your feet when the crowd’s getting hype over some Lil’ Wayne. You bob your head when Ciara sings. You rock a bit to Chris Brown, but when BBD’s “Poison” plays, you’re on the dance floor quicker than Bobby Brown left New Edition. While most of the clubbers take this opportunity to get another drink or use the facilities, you know this is what you’ve been waiting on all night … a chance to do the running man!

3. The music is too loud.
Seriously. Who needs to feel the bass vibrating major bodily organs? Besides, you can’t hear your BFF who’s desperately trying to give you a recap of the week’s “Young & the Restless.” Forget doing the Dougie, you wanna know what’s going on between the Newmans and the Abbotts. Gheez!

4. Everyone calls you ma’am.
You were prepared to get bumped a little in the club. It’s expected, but the fact that everyone is grabbing your arm and making sure you don’t break a hip is cause for alarm. Do they think you’re a senior citizen? Yeah. They do.

5. You want to be home by midnight.
It’s 11:30 and while you’re thinking it’s about time to be heading home, you notice the line outside wrapped around the building and people entering who look like they just left the house. Who starts the evening this late!? Everyone under 25.

Of course, I’m not speaking from experience. I’m just trying to help a SIS or two who may not know when to quit. If three or more of these signs pertain to you, let go of the velvet rope. Retire gracefully.


7 Responses to “5 Signs You’re Too Old for the Club”

  1. 1 Lucy Van Pelt
    September 22, 2010 at 5:30 pm

    I’m 33, and I still go to the nightclub, but you’re right. I don’t go often, and I’m normally there for special occasions. Luckily, being the old chick in the club isn’t as bad as being the old dude in the club. Old guys with jheri curls and multiple gold rings undressing women with their eyes is just creepy!

  2. 2 T. M. Johnson
    September 23, 2010 at 9:52 am

    Hilarious! “Poison” is the jam (smile). Great post.

  3. September 23, 2010 at 12:32 pm

    This is the truth! the last time I was in a club was for my line sister’s birthday back in March. i’m over the scene. I’ve danced on many sofas over the years so I reserve it for birthdays and special occassions. As far as looking for love, you won’t find it up there. You might find a good dance partner or someone to do the kid – n – play with but that’s out it.

  4. 4 sistah1
    September 23, 2010 at 12:38 pm

    Monique: Actually, one of my best friends met her husband at a nightclub. So, although no one should get their hopes up about finding love at the club, it is possible!!!

  5. 5 blackbarbiekj
    September 24, 2010 at 12:24 am

    True Dat!
    The club scene, in my opinion, is soooo over-rated.

    I have known couples to meet in the club but i think they met young and dated for years off an on before marrying. But it can happen.

    Funny Post … and so TRUE.

  6. 6 NaNaNee
    September 24, 2010 at 4:32 am

    hI SIS,
    This post is just hilarious!!!! I am laughing in a meeting room with my colleagues: not very professional but soooo true.
    The last time I went to a night club was last week-end and it was an accident: I wanted to discuss with that guy and I mixed the jazz club with a night club… Anyway: at first I was annoyed because I had all the signs you described but then I just hit the dancefloor and danced through the time…
    Sometimes, you just have to brush those feelings off your sleeve and enjoyed the night.. Try to avoid the kids you used to babysit, if you do not want to be depressed!!! LOL….

  7. 7 Uku
    October 14, 2010 at 3:44 pm

    I stop going to clubs after 25 too. But I was never the club guy to begin with. I agree. Good write-up.

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