Archive for April, 2010


Am I Dating My TV?

I obviously consider myself single, but the more I think about it, I am sort of in a committed relationship.

My TV and I have something sort of serious going on. I’ve been known to schedule evenings around this significant other. I snuggle up on my sofa to spend quality time gazing at the object of my affection. I feel like I’m missing out if we spend an entire 24 hours apart.

I first recognized things were getting serious years ago, when I’d leave happy hour events early to make sure I was in front of the TV by 8 p.m. Not being home on time was like being late for a dinner my mate had slaved over all day. Luckily, DVR has helped us in this area. My partner has learned some patience and doesn’t start dinner without me now.

I try not to allow this relationship to interfere with my interactions with actual human beings. I admit that I don’t always answer friends’ phone calls when I’m watching one of my favorite shows, but I make it a point to call them back as soon as the ending credits start rolling. In my defense, isn’t it rude to pick up the phone while your significant other is in the middle of a story?

The good thing is that my “hobby” helps me determine how much I like  a guy. My willingness to alter my TV habits for a man is a great indication that I’m feeling him. If I’m willing to miss the finale of “Project Runway” for a phone call with a potential suitor, or if he wins the toss-up between a night out with him and a marathon of “The Hills,” then my 32-inch may have something to worry about. That guy may be a keeper.

That’s not to suggest that I’d ever completely abandon my TV time. I’m sure I’d still fit in a few favs on a weekly basis, but obviously, a relationship where the conversation actually works both ways, would be preferable.


A Wrong Number, A ‘Wronger’ Conversation

This is a true story. I wish I were imaginative enough to make up the exchange I’m about to recount for you, but honestly, I couldn’t have dreamt up what followed when I answered my cell phone earlier today.

I normally don’t bother accepting calls from numbers I do not recognize, but a friend of mine is in town this weekend. I thought maybe she was calling from the landline where she’s staying. So, I picked up.

There’s a guy on the line, and when I ask him who he is, he responds with, “Someone who’s interested in you.” (It’s getting good already. Right? LOL.) I don’t recognize his voice, and I’m assuming it’s a wrong number, but Mike quickly explains to me that he’s called me before. It was unintentional that first time. He was trying to reach a woman he’d met and swapped info with, but he reached my phone instead. Apparently, he liked the sound of my voicemail message and decided he’d make note of his misdial and call me again.

I kid you not.

I’m confused. So, just to make sure I’m following, I ask, “So, we’ve never met, but you’re telling me you’re interested in me based off my voicemail message?” Yep. He assures me that I’ve got the gist. Apparently, I sound cute.

There’s more.

After I lie and tell him I have a boyfriend, he goes on to tell me that he has “a friend,” too. She’s 38, but she’s married. So, he’s available, since he’s ready to leave married women alone. I encourage him to do that.

So, he asks my age, and he inquires as to whether I have children. He seems genuinely shocked when I tell him I’ve not birthed any babies. Of course, I have to ask him the same thing. His answer? Five. My response. “I hope you’re joking.” He’s not.

I’m laughing.

I try to kindly convey to Mike that I’m not interested, but he suggests I save his number in my phone and that we get to know each other better because he wants to take me out to dinner. However, that will be some time after he’s done dealing with his DUI situation. Apparently, he can’t get behind the wheel anytime in the near future. I think he offered more of an explanation in regard to this, but his voice was being drowned out by the sound of my continued laughter.

I told him I wasn’t interested in learning anymore about him. I said it as nicely as possible. Really.

The end.

I could easily offer this as confirmation that answering calls from unfamiliar numbers should be avoided. However, I thoroughly enjoyed my chat with Mike. It was one of the most entertaining conversations I’ve had in months.

So, go ahead and answer that call from the strange number. You might get a good story out of it.


Yet Another Lesson From Dr. Height

Since I started this blog, I’ve gotten feedback from lots of people who seem to question the value of an unwed lifestyle. I’ve listened to sistahs who wonder what their own worth is if they never become a Mrs. I’ve heard from men who doubt a woman can live a fulfilling life without a man by her side.

To those who have any question about the worth, value and possibilities of a life lived without a wedding ring, I’d like to present the life of Dr. Dorothy Height as an example of how significant one’s life can be, even if he or she is single.

I think Dr. Height did what everyone should do, whether married or solo. She used her talents to make a difference and affect change. If we all used our skills to improve the world, imagine how much better things would be.

Although that’s a universal message, I do think Dr. Height’s life is even more relevant for single ladies who might think life begins when Prince Charming arrives.

I’m not knocking the desire to be in a loving, committed relationship, but I’d caution those who are so caught up chasing potential mates that they aren’t doing all that can be done during this season of singleness.

I think it’s important to discover a purpose for your life where you are now.

I’m no authority on life. I probably know less than the next person, but I do know that I want my life to mean something. I want to be remembered for uplifting those around me and making a positive difference, and whether I achieve that as a wife or not doesn’t change my ultimate goal.

Sure. There are times I think that it’d be a shame if I never married or had children, but I think it would be even worse to never realize and fulfill my life’s purpose.

I won’t deny that while I’m searching and working toward my goals I sometimes take a quick glance around the room in case Mr. Right is trying to catch my eye, but if he never shows up, I hope to look back at my life and find that I made a positive difference doing what I was put here to do.

Like Dr. Height, I think living such a life will leave a praiseworthy legacy.

Get more on the life of Dr. Height here.


Ain’t Nothing Wrong With You, Girl … Probably

I’m not sure I consider myself in search of a man. If one comes along and expresses interest, I’m certainly open to it, but I wouldn’t put myself in the same category as TLC’s Chilli, who is actively in pursuit of a guy in her reality series, “What Chilli Wants.”

I don’t know whether there’s anything wrong with Chilli or not, but I do think the assumption that she is single because she is flawed, is a huge one.

It’s an assumption that the R&B star’s adviser made about 90 seconds into the series premiere (and in the show’s trailer above). She said, “Usually, if you can’t find the right man, there’s something wrong with you.”

I’ll admit, Chilli is portrayed as a tad too picky in the show, but isn’t it also possible that the right man just hasn’t crossed her path yet?

People have different goals and dreams throughout their lives. Some take longer to achieve than others. For example, Halle Berry won her Oscar when she was around 36. Was something wrong with her ‘cause she didn’t win one before that time? Other actresses received their trophies while they were in their twenties. Does that reflect on Halle? I wouldn’t say so.

So, why does an older woman (Chilli is pushing 40.) who hasn’t yet achieved marriage – and that’s not to imply that every woman is striving toward that goal – have to have something wrong with her? Maybe she’s just as “talented” as the 20-something brides, but just hasn’t been presented with an Oscar worthy role yet.

While I’m sure there are probably a good number of relationship-hungry singles still unhitched because they have issues, I’m just as sure there are a lot out there who are perfectly well-adjusted but haven’t met their matches. Surely, not all single people have something wrong with them.

Besides, I’m not knocking the married folks, but there are plenty out there who would fall into the “something wrong with” them category. Dennis Rodman got married in a white wedding dress, proving that (1) white no longer represents “purity” and (2) marriage is not confirmation that the wedded are any more sane than the rest of us.

April 2010
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