I’ll admit to being a work in progress. Maybe it’s a sign of how much I need to grow, but it’s true that I felt a twinge of WTF when I attended a recent family event and all my young, male cousins arrived with non African-American girlfriends.
It’s completely irrational, but I thought about all the young, black girls who may be left without a good, black man to call their own because my relatives met perfect matches who weren’t the same color as we are. Of course, love is blind and sometimes the right person comes in a varying shade.
So, that made me wonder why more black women don’t date non-black men. Obviously, it would widen the net and result in more options. So, why do a lot of women refuse to take advantage? I asked a few friends for their take on the issue.
They unanimously felt that black women do have hang-ups about dating outside of the race, and a common reason offered for this was that black women want black families.
JJ (32) said, “We’re overly committed to a textbook idea of what black family is.”
Renee (33) adds, “A lot of black women have been raised to see the power in a strong black nuclear family. However, I see more and more women dating and married to men of other races. It’s not so much about a “black family” but just a “family.”
Also, it seems black women want to avoid the hassle of dating outside the race. They are unsure about how their families will react.
Rosey (32) said, “Black women need validation from their family and friends and don’t think they’ll get that.
Another recurring response was that black women just don’t socialize with non-black men too much. It’s not a conscious decision, just a matter of fact in most instances.
Doll Face, who dated a white guy for four years in her hometown, said, “Where I reside now, I feel is more segregated. I don’t see white people or come in contact with them to date them.”
However, having dated outside the race, she is not opposed to doing it again, and she encourages single black women to try it. She said, “Black women should open up their horizons. Why not?”
JJ agrees. “In reality, most educated black women probably would find a more appropriate partner outside of what most of today’s black men have to offer.”
However, there was at least one SIS with a firm opinion in the opposite direction. HamptonGirl1998 said, “I think most black women should remain loyal to black men despite them wanting and often going after diversity.”
Needless to say, it’s a personal choice, but this SIS will definitely be checking herself and thinking about her “other” options if that WTF twinge rears its ugly head again.