Archive for February, 2011


Quit Hatin’ on Single People

Let me preface this by saying, I’ve no problem with married people. I hate to sound cliché, but some of my best friends are married!

However, it’d be easy for me to label all wed people as needy, dependent, insecure conformists who need marriage as a way to validate themselves as worthwhile human beings.

I could make assumptions about the character of husbands and wives based solely on their marital status, but that would be stupid. Right?

Guess what’s equally as stupid?

This recent article in The Huffington Post attacking single people, described us all as selfish, dishonest and shallow, among other things. I’m not going to pretend there aren’t some unattached people who fall into these categories, but I’m sure there are some married people for whom the shoe fits, too.

Fortunately for married people, society just assumes that they entered into the union because they fell in love.

Unfortunately for single people, it seems nearly impossible for the general public to believe that an unattached person could be perfectly pleasant and of good character. Instead, we must be majorily flawed.

Is it so hard to fathom that maybe a SIS just hasn’t met her match yet? Is it so difficult to wrap one’s mind around the fact that some folks don’t want to be married? Is it beyond the realm of reason that marriage might be an option for some and not a life requirement?

Is “you’re a bitch” really the only plausible explanation, as the article’s author suggests? I think not.

I have at least one friend who believes in aliens. From what I can tell, it’s easier for the masses to believe in Alf than it is for them to accept that it might take some single people a bit longer to fall in love.

However, instead of a little patience and acceptance from society, singles have to deal with prejudice. I’m obviously no MLK, but when people start targeting members of any specific group, it makes me wonder what exactly their problem is.

Other than the fact that maybe the author had a deadline to meet, what would motivate her to take the time and write about how damaged single people are? Obviously, there are some issues there.

Maybe the author is jealous of independent singles who aren’t desperate to wed. It’s possible she’s coming to terms with the fact that her third marriage has ended and is lashing out at the group her ex-husbands have chosen to join. There are endless explanations for her obvious hate.

I don’t know, but unlike her, I’ll refrain from making too many  judgments.


Does Chilli Have a Valentine?

Check out a few highlights from my interview with Chilli, and get the whole thing here, if you want. 🙂

Tracy: Do you find love on season two?
Chilli: I find some good things. (Laughter) Love takes a while. When you’re mature, it’s rare that you can find love quickly. When you’re young, you don’t really know. You’re just in love with the idea of being in love. So, you’re quick to say “I love you.” It’s too soon.

Tracy: I get it. We have to tune in to find out. So, you do have a Valentine?
Chilli: (Laughs) My favorite Valentine is my son, Tron. I kind of forgot about Valentine’s Day. I have really good ideas for Valentine’s Day. I’m just creative, and I’m a hopeless romantic anyway. It’s not always about buying the most expensive thing, but there are other great things you can do, too.

Tracy: So, you’re going to plan the evening and tell your Valentine where to take you?
Chilli: For me, what I’m doing for that person has nothing to do with what they’re doing for me. I’m the type of female, I don’t think Valentine’s Day is just for the girl. It’s for the guy, too. Women should do things for the person they care about, also. Unless you make a plan together to go on a weekend trip or something.

Tracy: What Valentine’s Day ideas do you have?
Chilli: I’m thinking… I’m thinking… (laughs)

Tracy: Since you mentioned expensive gifts, I have to bring up the Floyd Mayweather thing. Is it normal for him to buy you thousand-dollar items?
Chilli: That’s not an all-the-time thing. For Floyd, people have to understand one thing about him: He doesn’t have to be a significant other for him to splurge on you. Fourteen thousand dollars is like $400 to him.

Tracy: Doesn’t that confuse things?
Chilli: What could confuse things is if we made the mistake of sleeping together. Which, we’ve never done that. I tell chicks when it’s a platonic relationship, you don’t have sex. You don’t have sex with people you’re not going to have a committed relationship with. Sex should not be the thing to lead you to that commitment. It should be the quality of the person.

Read the entire interview here.


Noting the Lack of Love for Natural Locks


I was just a little irritated earlier this week after a video of Method Man disparaging black women’s natural hair surfaced. I grew up on ‘90’s rap and the love that the Native Tongues and others of that era showered on sistahs – and not just the ones with light skin and straight hair — was something that was appreciated.

Of course, Meth’s music was never quite that Afrocentric or enlightened, but in my opinion, he leaned more toward black love than misogyny. So, when he was recorded saying, “I don’t like peasy afros. Sorry. I don’t like dreds either. I like a woman to get her hair did,” I was a bit surprised.

It didn’t rock my world or anything, since brothers in the spotlight have made it clear that our natural hair is not their preference.

Forgive me, Lord, for quoting Lil Wayne, but this brown-skinned, dreded brother has no problem declaring, “I like a long hair red bone.”

Let’s be real. Afros don’t hang. Whenever a man says he likes long hair, we know he’s not talking about an afro. If he were, he’d use a word like “full” or “high.” Have you ever heard a guy say, “I like high hair”? I haven’t.

Anyway, I was a bit relieved when Meth cleared up his comments, which he said were jokes toward a friend of his whose hair was in an afro at the time. It’s easier for me to believe he was teasing a homegirl, than to believe this guy  – who brushes his hair about as often as he releases a gospel album  – has problems with locks.

When confronted about the remarks, Meth said: “Girl, if you want to come outside with your hair in an afro, so be it. Do what you do. If you wanna rock dreds, so be it. Do what you do. If you wanna take it back to Africa or take it back to where ever the hell you want to take it back to, you do that.”

Then, he threw a few compliments our way.

“I love my people. My people is the most beautiful people in the planet, and we got the best women in the MF-ing world… I love my black sisters, with or without afros, with or without dreds.” (Hear it all here.)

Honestly, after hearing his words, it just made me aware of how seldom brothers express sentiment like this. It’s not so much that they’re always dissing brown-skinned women with natural hair; it’s just that there’s rarely ever any love.

For instance, recently listed its Most Desirable Women of Hip Pop. Beyonce and model Chanel Iman were the closest thing to dark skin included in the photo gallery. Of course, not a strand of natural hair was found.

One could argue that there aren’t many women in Hip-Pop who wear their hair natural, but if a model fits the criteria, then certainly an Esperanza Spalding – an actual musician — could have made the list.

However, men are entitled to their preferences, just as women are. I personally don’t find curly hair attractive on a man. Do I expect El DeBarge or Allen Payne to revolt because of it? No. So, that made me question why I cared at all about Meth’s comments. Although my hair is not relaxed, I do wear it straight the majority of the time. I tend to let it go natural in the summer when the humidity challenges me. So, why do comments hatin’ on natural hair hit a raw nerve?

Of course, the answer is because “natural hair” – afros in particular – is distinctly ours. To not have an afro, steps have to be taken. Although few of us rock the style on a regular basis, we know it’s what lies beneath, and it’d be wonderful to have brothers embrace it, learn to appreciate it and tell us it’s beautiful. Afterall, it’s their hair, too.

February 2011
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