Posts Tagged ‘Friends With Benefits


Beware of the Faux Beau

There are a lot of different kinds of men from whom the SIS should shy away: playas, DL brothers, philanderers, abusers, etc… Most of us have developed some sort of radar for the fellas who fall into these categories.

If you’re not 100% sure he remembers your name ‘cause he’s been calling you “babe” since the day you met, he could be a playa. If he spends all day Saturday shopping for a sexy outfit to wear to his boy’s weekly poker night, there’s a chance he’s gay. Philanderers are the ring wearers who stop you in the Victoria Secret to tell you how unhappy they are at home, and abusers try to put you on a phone schedule and expect hourly text messages about your whereabouts.

Within a day or two of meeting these jokers, the flags are waving, and you’ve got one foot out the door. These undesirables are pretty easy to spot.

However, there’s another type of guy who can be just as lethal to your emotional well-being if left unchecked, but is much more subtle and less detectable.

That’s the faux beau.

He’s that friend in your life who keeps you interested enough and treats you well enough to distract you from other potential partners, but for whatever reason, he refuses to commit to you.

On weekends, when you should be out with the girls looking cute and eligible, you’re all fancy walking into the Macaroni Grill or Lucky Strike with him. He wouldn’t dream of forgetting your birthday and gave you the most thoughtful gift. He encourages you, supports you and may even throw around the L-word liberally. You’ve met his best friends and maybe a relative or two, and sometimes there are special “benefits” to the relationship.

Sometimes you wonder how the relationship got to this point, but you recognize that you’re holding out hope that something romantic might just spring forth. You’re carrying a torch ‘cause there are definitely feelings there. It stands to reason that two great friends could eventually become even greater lovers.

However, if he’s not feeling the same, then there’s nothing for that flame to do but die out.

If you’ve tuned into season two of “What Chilli Wants,” then you know that Floyd Mayweather is the singer’s faux beau. The boxer recently bought her a pair of $14,000 diamond encrusted earrings as a token of his affection. As her relationship coach, Tionna Smalls, said, “Floyd is trouble.” Then, Smalls vowed to keep Chilli away from him.

How do you to rid yourself of the faux beau? The truth is that the drama will probably drag on until he’s totally convinced you of his complete disinterest in a romantic relationship, and things might get ugly. His contradictions between actions and words will finally become more than you can stand, and you’ll likely come to a point where you’ll glady redefine things with the faux beau in hopes of meeting a sincere significant.


3 Signs He Wants a Jump-Off

Sometimes a SIS is just looking for someone to hang out with and keep her company for a while. Other times, she may be in search of something more substantial – something that might lead to a real honest-to-goodness relationship. However, just because she may be ready for something serious, doesn’t mean the guy who’s showing her interest is. More times than not, he’d be satisfied with something less meaningful.

How can you tell if he’s serious, or if he’s just looking for some fun? A mature guy will be upfront about it, and let you know. Of course, there are also those who like to play games. So, to help decipher what you’re dealing with, here are three ways to distinguish if he’s trying to put you in the jump off category.

Vampire Complex: You call him at noon. He calls you back at 9:30. You want to talk about his day. He wants to discuss plans for your night. When a guy is interested in entering into a serious relationship, he usually won’t mind communicating with you during daylight hours. If you only hear from the new guy while the sun is down, then it’s possible he’s trying to put you into the “booty call” category … or he might be a vampire, but the former is probably more likely.

Mono-Communication Complex: Most folks these days communicate several different ways. In one day, I may talk to a friend on the phone, send e-mails, text and maybe even chat online. If you’re only getting brief text messages, especially if they’re non-specific — like “what’s up?” — then it’s a good chance he really doesn’t care what’s up, and is not at all interested in making any sort of lasting connection with you. With all the different ways to reach out and touch someone, if he’s limiting contact, he may truly be interested in touching you, but not much else.

Homeboy Complex: As two people get more familiar with one another, they often start spending more time together at home. The trips to movie theaters, restaurants, parks and comedy clubs decrease. However, if the new guy’s idea of dating is limited to having you sit on his sofa or visit him in his bedroom (‘cause his roommate is in the living room), then he’s making it pretty clear what sort of activities he wants to share with you. As far as he’s concerned, why bother even getting dressed?

So, if he’s showing some interest, but it seems mild at best, he’s likely indicating that he’s not looking for anything serious. Whether it’s late-night contact limited to one form of communication, or “dates” that allow him to lounge around in undershirts and stretch out on his bed, consider it a sign that he’s looking for something to jump off, but that “something” probably isn’t a relationship.


3 Reasons ‘Friends With Benefits’ Doesn’t Work

So, I recognize that I can’t speak for every woman in the world. There are females out there who truly don’t mind being a Jump Off and who really do date “like men.” They don’t get emotionally attached to their flings, and move on from them as easily as Nikki Minaj changes wigs.

However, I’d venture to say that not too many women are satisfied with the Friends With Benefits (FWB) relationship. It rarely works. Why not? Here’s my take.

The Next Man: So, you’re in this FWB arrangement when you meet a guy who makes you wanna change your last name, first name and middle name, too. Do you keep things status quo with your buddy while the possible man of your dreams is smacking your ankles with a broom tryin’ to sweep you off your feet? That seems a little shady. Do you end things with FWB right away, or do you simply explain to the new guy that you’re a bit casual with yours, which few good guys consider a selling point? No matter which you decide, it can be a messy transition.

The ‘Other Lover’: When it comes to FWB, the “other lover” who ruins the relationship is the one the guy you’re laying next to might be respectfully courting while he’s treating you more like … his hand. Is he really wining and dining a woman he hopes to be serious about while reaping the benefits of your arrangement? It’s possible, and that gnawing question is often enough to make any SIS go “Fatal Attraction” on a brutha. It’s not that you’re feelin’ him, but that’s just a little disrespectful. No?

The Feelings Factor: Whether he catches feelings or the SIS does, usually one party starts to enjoy the FWB’s time a little more than the other. One’s fantasizing about turning the relationship into something more serious, while the other’s wondering why time outside the bed seems to be increasing. You’ve seen “Boomerang.” Whether you’re Eddie, Halle or Tisha yelling over the back fence, someone gets hurt.

Bottom Line: It takes a special woman to handle the FWB relationship. I’m not knocking those who make it work, and even a committed relationship faces challenges, but if you’re going to have intimate issues with somebody, this SIS thinks it might as well be an honest-to-goodness boyfriend.

July 2018
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