Posts Tagged ‘online dating

23
Mar
11

What Do Dating Sites Offer?

Dating someone with whom you have common interests makes perfect sense. If you’re a sci-fi geek enthusiast, finding a mate who appreciates aliens and paranormal activities not only means you’ll likely enjoy the same movies and TV shows, but also that your significant other won’t ridicule you for suggesting the two of you attend the Star Trek convention.

However, after noticing the scores of different dating sites out there geared toward folks who share the same profession or hobbies, I wondered if singles who use these sites are being smart, by looking for someone who understands their passions, or ridiculous for putting so much emphasis on those things that have little to do with one’s character.

Is it self-centered to search for a guy on WeBothLikeSteak.com just to limit the chances that you’ll ever be pressured to eat a veggie burger?

Sure, it’s good to be on the same page about certain things, but isn’t it also good to expand your horizons, be challenged and grow?

Then again, maybe I’m reading too much into it. Maybe it is just about recreational activities and bonding over something that you both enjoy.

That beats the alternatives which are (1) your partner learning to tolerate love something in which he wasn’t initially interested or (2) you finding someone outside of your romantic relationship to hang with when you’re enjoying your favorite activity.

However, there’s also the possibility that it’s about acceptance.

If you’re a wine connoisseur who has endured criticism from a non-drinking potential suitor, you might decide to avoid that sting in the future by just dating people you know won’t judge you. If he’s just as into wine tastings and trips to the vineyard as you are, then you’ve eliminated that issue. He gets it.

In the end, isn’t that what most folks want out of a relationship: someone who accepts and understands their quarks and loves them anyway?

26
Jan
10

In Defense Of Miss Independent

I was in a chat room recently, and while the participants were responding to the recent omnipresent news about the large number of single, professional sistahs, someone suggested that if women want to attract a man, they need not boast their independence.

Obviously, this comment struck a chord with me. I had to question, “What’s wrong with being proud of one’s independence?”

To me, being an independent woman means that you’re comfortable caring for yourself. You’re paying your own bills, feeding you and yours, holding down at least one job and keeping your home in order. Granted, that may not exactly be a selling point to every guy, but it’s certainly nothing to hide. Why shouldn’t an adult be able to care for herself?

I guess there is some room for clarification, though. Just because a woman is independent doesn’t mean there’s no room in her life for a man. Trust me. If there’s a guy willing to hang that picture or unclog that drain, most women would gladly hand over the hammer and Mr. Plumber.

However, knowing I can take care of myself means that when I do meet Mr. Right, I’ll be focused on his character, our compatibility and how he makes me feel, not so much on how many dirty jobs he can handle or the salary he’s bringing to the table. What I’d want from him is what only he could provide, not what I could hire a handyman to do.

If the day comes when this SIS settles into a serious relationship, it won’t be because I’m dependent on a man, but it will be because I met one in particular that I want to share my life with. Then maybe, his smile, sense of humor, listening ear and encouraging words are the things I’d become dependent on.

02
Nov
09

Confessions of an Online Dater

black-woman-at-computer

Quiet as it’s kept, I have more than a handful of friends who have tried online dating. They’ve all sworn me to secrecy, and the reason is obvious. Online dating is often perceived as the last hope of the desperate, the one unexplored frontier that a SIS resorts to when all else has failed.

I’m not sure why online dating has such a stigma. I’m constantly asked whether I’ve “found” a man, as if I should be out searching under rocks with a magnifying glass, so why would an online service, such as e-Harmony, be a stone left unturned?

Online dating is a rational option, but still one that a lot of black women approach apprehensively.

I think maybe pop culture’s fascination with romance has something to do with the reluctance. When women dream about telling their children how they met daddy, they don’t fantasize “online” as the response.

If given a choice, most women would prefer to meet their mates on a college campus like Dwayne and Whitley, at a spoken word event a la “Love Jones” or on the job like Barack and Michelle.

There’s something about that initial attraction — that “Godfather” thunderbolt – that causes the spine to tingle, the heart to skip a beat and launches the whole romantic courtship. Who wouldn’t want that?

We want to be able to tell stories about eye contact across a crowded room and love at first sight. However, the truth is that the thunderbolt is rare, and even when it does occur, it doesn’t always lead to anything substantial. In this day and age, it’s more likely to meet that perfect guy on a social networking or dating site, and that hardly seems as desperate as, let’s say, sitting at a bar hoping Mr. Right buys you a drink.

You might also be surprised to find out how many happy relationships started online. When that’s the result, people are a little more prone to fess up. However, even without the success stories, there are a few of us who don’t mind admitting we tried the online thing. For this SIS, it resulted in one date, but I wouldn’t rule out trying it again. It’s just another way to meet eligible singles, and if nothing else, I can assure my inquisitive pals that I have looked, magnifying glass and all.




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