Posts Tagged ‘achieving goals


Is It One or the Other?

I used to be a fan of MTV’s “The Hills” before it became a show solely about folks making bad relationship decisions. However, I still tune in to that series’ spin-off, “The City,” which is centered on a 20-something, single gal trying to create a successful career for herself as a designer.

I think lots of women can relate to watching the show’s star work hard, stress and network to make it in her industry. (She also dates.) Luckily, she has a mentor to help pave her way and offer great advice as someone who’s been there.

One nugget of advice from the mentor, Kelly Cutrone, had me nodding my head when I first heard it, but after further contemplation, it just really had me thinking.

The quote: “Some women follow men. Others follow their dreams.”

For me, that raised the question: “Is it either/or?” When it comes to career vs. relationships, can a SIS successfully pursue and manage both, or is it one or the other?

I know more than a few single, independent sistahs who are on their grind. They have professional goals they’re trying to meet. They’re on career paths, and although they want marriage, too, the path to that goal seems a little less obvious.

I also know a SIS or two who would be perfectly content just being housewives (the real kind, not the reality TV kind).

Either way, they’re all single.

I do know some wives who are professionally motivated and still focused on their marriages. They own their own businesses and work long hours, but manage to find lots of quality time for their husbands, too. So, I’d have to conclude that it is possible to have both a successful career and a healthy relationship.

Maybe you don’t have to choose one or the other.

However, the truth is that, I know a lot more career-minded women who are single. I’m not sure if it’s a cause or an effect. Are these ladies focused on the job ‘cause they’re not in relationships, or are they not in relationships ‘cause they’re focused on the job?

I’m not sure, but I think it’s a lot more fulfilling for a SIS to have a life while “waiting” on a man – if that’s one of her goals — than waiting on a man to be her life. Doing the latter may leave you with neither.


Should You Date Potential?

It’s been suggested that a lot of women seeking relationships have difficulty finding them because they fail to appreciate or recognize a man’s potential. At least one actor-turned-author (whose name I’m not going to mention, since I quote him waaay too much), points to Michelle Obama as an example of a woman who noticed a man’s potential, despite his not having fully reached it just yet when they met. Now, she’s the First Lady.

I don’t disagree with taking a person’s potential into account, especially if you’re expecting to be involved with him for years to come. However, I think it’s important to be clear about what exactly potential is. I submit that it’s not just about what people are able to do, but it’s also about what they want and are willing to do. In short, character is the deciding factor when determining someone’s real potential; people who aren’t willing to put in the effort to realize it, don’t really have any at all, despite their God-given talents and skills.

However, motivation and drive to achieve don’t always result in success. So, when it comes to dating, it’s important to be satisfied with who and what the person is, not just who you hope he will become.

Sure, Florida Evans would have loved for James to become foreman one day and move the family out of the ghetto, but she was content with him in that two bedroom apartment with a view of Willona. Like Florida, I don’t think Michelle Obama was complaining when her husband was merely a successful U.S. senator. If he’d never become president, I’m pretty sure she’d still be happily standing by his side.

So, maybe that’s the test when deciding whether to date a guy who hasn’t yet achieved his goals, but who has potential. Are you happy standing by his side now in the present? If not, then there could potentially be some problems down the line.


Yet Another Lesson From Dr. Height

Since I started this blog, I’ve gotten feedback from lots of people who seem to question the value of an unwed lifestyle. I’ve listened to sistahs who wonder what their own worth is if they never become a Mrs. I’ve heard from men who doubt a woman can live a fulfilling life without a man by her side.

To those who have any question about the worth, value and possibilities of a life lived without a wedding ring, I’d like to present the life of Dr. Dorothy Height as an example of how significant one’s life can be, even if he or she is single.

I think Dr. Height did what everyone should do, whether married or solo. She used her talents to make a difference and affect change. If we all used our skills to improve the world, imagine how much better things would be.

Although that’s a universal message, I do think Dr. Height’s life is even more relevant for single ladies who might think life begins when Prince Charming arrives.

I’m not knocking the desire to be in a loving, committed relationship, but I’d caution those who are so caught up chasing potential mates that they aren’t doing all that can be done during this season of singleness.

I think it’s important to discover a purpose for your life where you are now.

I’m no authority on life. I probably know less than the next person, but I do know that I want my life to mean something. I want to be remembered for uplifting those around me and making a positive difference, and whether I achieve that as a wife or not doesn’t change my ultimate goal.

Sure. There are times I think that it’d be a shame if I never married or had children, but I think it would be even worse to never realize and fulfill my life’s purpose.

I won’t deny that while I’m searching and working toward my goals I sometimes take a quick glance around the room in case Mr. Right is trying to catch my eye, but if he never shows up, I hope to look back at my life and find that I made a positive difference doing what I was put here to do.

Like Dr. Height, I think living such a life will leave a praiseworthy legacy.

Get more on the life of Dr. Height here.

July 2018
« Feb