Posts Tagged ‘home ownership


Deciphering a Dude’s Decor

I got a last-minute invitation to a guy’s house party the other night, and while I was sitting in the living room of one of the most stylish homes I’ve ever visited, it dawned on me that you may be able to deduce a little something about a man’s relationship readiness by taking a look at his living space.

I don’t have it down to a science, but here’s what I’ve been able to discern thus far:

Bachelor Pad: This one hardly needs explaining. The DVD rack is filled with porn movies. There’s a pin-up calendar in the bathroom (hanging over the toilet). A red light bulb barely illuminates the bedroom. There’s only whipped cream and chocolate syrup in the refrigerator. The nightstand drawer is dedicated solely to “toys” and protection, and when you clap your hands, R. Kelly starts singing “Seems Like You’re Ready.” Ummm. Exit.

Under Construction:
In this economy, a lot of folks are moving into fixer-uppers. So, it’s not uncommon to visit someone whose house is under construction, and a lot of handy guys try to Tim Taylor it and do the work themselves. In my case, the guy I dated wrecked his kitchen, living room and basement. The house was a little less than comfortable … except for upstairs. His bedroom was just about the only place in the house where he could “entertain” without the threat of plaster falling on the skulls of his guests and sending them to the nearest emergency room. He was prepared for intimacy, but was having trouble putting as much time and effort into other significant areas of his house. That accurately reflected his relationship readiness.

Room for One: He has one Lazy Boy in the living room and a folding chair in the corner. He’s got one controller for his video game console. His car is a two-seater and the passenger side seat always needs to be cleaned off before you can sit down. The only working light source in his bedroom is on the nightstand nearest him. To be comfortable there, you’d basically have to pack like you were going on a camping trip in the wilderness. Toilet paper? Check. Eating utensils? Check. Blanket? Check. Basically, there’s really no room for you, and it hasn’t dawned on him that his place is a flashing “Vacancy” sign. No, not vacant meaning make yourself at home and stay awhile; vacant better describes his emotional availability. Like his place suggests, don’t look for much comforting here.

Ready for Love?: It doesn’t mean he’s got a diamond ring on layaway, but when you visit a guy whose place is fully furnished, comfy and well kempt, he might be a little more ready for commitment. You walk in and you can imagine yourself cooking him dinner in the kitchen, curling up on the couch watching TV, hosting a dinner party and decorating the Christmas tree. Oh, and that spot right over the fireplace would be perfect for your wedding portrait. LOL. OK. That might be taking it a little too far, but if you look forward to spending time at his place as opposed to trying to find ways to avoid it, he’s probably given some thought into what makes a house a home and that’s promising.


Disowning a Homeowner Double Standard

Recently, a colleague of mine walked into the office fuming. On that particular morning, she’d been listening to the radio during her drive in, and she was disturbed when a fellow SIS called in to the station and was given a hard time by one of the radio personalities.

The young woman called in for home improvement advice, but instead of answers, she got questions: “Why don’t you have a man?” Then, the male DJ asked about her weight and cooking skills, suggesting that too much of one and not enough of the other could be the reason she’s in the home alone.

As my co-worker and I discussed how inappropriate the DJs comments were, I wondered: If you’re a single woman, what message does your home ownership send to others?

Because the caller that morning was single and owned her own house, the DJ assumed she was undesirable.

I’m not exactly sure how he made that connection, but the majority of the single women I know own the place where they reside because it makes sense, not because of any relationship issues. We’re all passed the point where living with our parents is acceptable, and while renting is an option, for a lot of us, the benefits of owning far exceed that arrangement.

…but why do I feel the need to justify this?

I’m thinking that if a single man with a house had called in that morning, he wouldn’t have been asked about his weight or about how well he changes the oil in his car. So, why did that DJ think it was acceptable to ask a SIS about her cooking skills when she was inquiring about knobs for cabinets?

I sense a double standard.

I’m not sure what type of underlying message people receive when they learn a SIS owns her own home. Maybe it is indicative of relationship issues for some women, but that seems like a stretch. What is more likely is that people, who make assumptions about others based on whether they rent or own, may have some serious issues of their own.

July 2018
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