Posts Tagged ‘friendship

23
Mar
11

What Do Dating Sites Offer?

Dating someone with whom you have common interests makes perfect sense. If you’re a sci-fi geek enthusiast, finding a mate who appreciates aliens and paranormal activities not only means you’ll likely enjoy the same movies and TV shows, but also that your significant other won’t ridicule you for suggesting the two of you attend the Star Trek convention.

However, after noticing the scores of different dating sites out there geared toward folks who share the same profession or hobbies, I wondered if singles who use these sites are being smart, by looking for someone who understands their passions, or ridiculous for putting so much emphasis on those things that have little to do with one’s character.

Is it self-centered to search for a guy on WeBothLikeSteak.com just to limit the chances that you’ll ever be pressured to eat a veggie burger?

Sure, it’s good to be on the same page about certain things, but isn’t it also good to expand your horizons, be challenged and grow?

Then again, maybe I’m reading too much into it. Maybe it is just about recreational activities and bonding over something that you both enjoy.

That beats the alternatives which are (1) your partner learning to tolerate love something in which he wasn’t initially interested or (2) you finding someone outside of your romantic relationship to hang with when you’re enjoying your favorite activity.

However, there’s also the possibility that it’s about acceptance.

If you’re a wine connoisseur who has endured criticism from a non-drinking potential suitor, you might decide to avoid that sting in the future by just dating people you know won’t judge you. If he’s just as into wine tastings and trips to the vineyard as you are, then you’ve eliminated that issue. He gets it.

In the end, isn’t that what most folks want out of a relationship: someone who accepts and understands their quarks and loves them anyway?

11
Feb
11

Does Chilli Have a Valentine?


Check out a few highlights from my interview with Chilli, and get the whole thing here, if you want. 🙂

Tracy: Do you find love on season two?
Chilli: I find some good things. (Laughter) Love takes a while. When you’re mature, it’s rare that you can find love quickly. When you’re young, you don’t really know. You’re just in love with the idea of being in love. So, you’re quick to say “I love you.” It’s too soon.

Tracy: I get it. We have to tune in to find out. So, you do have a Valentine?
Chilli: (Laughs) My favorite Valentine is my son, Tron. I kind of forgot about Valentine’s Day. I have really good ideas for Valentine’s Day. I’m just creative, and I’m a hopeless romantic anyway. It’s not always about buying the most expensive thing, but there are other great things you can do, too.

Tracy: So, you’re going to plan the evening and tell your Valentine where to take you?
Chilli: For me, what I’m doing for that person has nothing to do with what they’re doing for me. I’m the type of female, I don’t think Valentine’s Day is just for the girl. It’s for the guy, too. Women should do things for the person they care about, also. Unless you make a plan together to go on a weekend trip or something.

Tracy: What Valentine’s Day ideas do you have?
Chilli: I’m thinking… I’m thinking… (laughs)

Tracy: Since you mentioned expensive gifts, I have to bring up the Floyd Mayweather thing. Is it normal for him to buy you thousand-dollar items?
Chilli: That’s not an all-the-time thing. For Floyd, people have to understand one thing about him: He doesn’t have to be a significant other for him to splurge on you. Fourteen thousand dollars is like $400 to him.

Tracy: Doesn’t that confuse things?
Chilli: What could confuse things is if we made the mistake of sleeping together. Which, we’ve never done that. I tell chicks when it’s a platonic relationship, you don’t have sex. You don’t have sex with people you’re not going to have a committed relationship with. Sex should not be the thing to lead you to that commitment. It should be the quality of the person.

Read the entire interview here.

04
Jan
11

Beware of the Faux Beau

There are a lot of different kinds of men from whom the SIS should shy away: playas, DL brothers, philanderers, abusers, etc… Most of us have developed some sort of radar for the fellas who fall into these categories.

If you’re not 100% sure he remembers your name ‘cause he’s been calling you “babe” since the day you met, he could be a playa. If he spends all day Saturday shopping for a sexy outfit to wear to his boy’s weekly poker night, there’s a chance he’s gay. Philanderers are the ring wearers who stop you in the Victoria Secret to tell you how unhappy they are at home, and abusers try to put you on a phone schedule and expect hourly text messages about your whereabouts.

Within a day or two of meeting these jokers, the flags are waving, and you’ve got one foot out the door. These undesirables are pretty easy to spot.

However, there’s another type of guy who can be just as lethal to your emotional well-being if left unchecked, but is much more subtle and less detectable.

That’s the faux beau.

He’s that friend in your life who keeps you interested enough and treats you well enough to distract you from other potential partners, but for whatever reason, he refuses to commit to you.

On weekends, when you should be out with the girls looking cute and eligible, you’re all fancy walking into the Macaroni Grill or Lucky Strike with him. He wouldn’t dream of forgetting your birthday and gave you the most thoughtful gift. He encourages you, supports you and may even throw around the L-word liberally. You’ve met his best friends and maybe a relative or two, and sometimes there are special “benefits” to the relationship.

Sometimes you wonder how the relationship got to this point, but you recognize that you’re holding out hope that something romantic might just spring forth. You’re carrying a torch ‘cause there are definitely feelings there. It stands to reason that two great friends could eventually become even greater lovers.

However, if he’s not feeling the same, then there’s nothing for that flame to do but die out.

If you’ve tuned into season two of “What Chilli Wants,” then you know that Floyd Mayweather is the singer’s faux beau. The boxer recently bought her a pair of $14,000 diamond encrusted earrings as a token of his affection. As her relationship coach, Tionna Smalls, said, “Floyd is trouble.” Then, Smalls vowed to keep Chilli away from him.

How do you to rid yourself of the faux beau? The truth is that the drama will probably drag on until he’s totally convinced you of his complete disinterest in a romantic relationship, and things might get ugly. His contradictions between actions and words will finally become more than you can stand, and you’ll likely come to a point where you’ll glady redefine things with the faux beau in hopes of meeting a sincere significant.

16
Nov
10

Tweaking the Girlfriend Rules for the 30-Somethings

Whether they’re de facto laws, verbally stated or even written down, most people are aware that there are certain rules when it comes to dating. For instance, it’s a violation to bring bridal magazines on the first date, so you and he and begin picking out colors the members of your wedding party will wear. Even if the periodicals are in your purse, don’t actually bring them to your date’s attention. Wait for the second date.

The dating rules between men and women are sometimes convoluted and often depend on the individuals involved and the specific circumstances, but when it comes to rules between friends who are both hunting for potential mates, the rules are hard and fast.

For example, if your best buddy is dating someone, you can’t date that same person.

That seems like a simple enough rule to follow. However, as you get older, the dating game gets tiring, and the pool of potentials shrinks. That’s when 30-something daters start to question whether those friendly rules of engagement should be broken?

Let’s examine a few of these dating rules and determine if they should be revoked.

Rule No. 1: Whoever Sees Him First Has Dibs – So, you’re out at a bar with your regular group, and you see a gorgeous potential spouse walk through the door. You’re mid sip on that drink you just ordered. You’re just about to gulp it down and verbally mark your territory, when your BFF declares, “He’s cute. I want to talk to him.” Now, you not only have a mouthful of martini to swallow, you also have to swallow that lump of disappointment and regret in your throat. The saddest aspect of this scenario is that even if he doesn’t seem too interested in your friend, the line has been drawn. Sadly, you can’t even flirt with him.

Rule No. 2: Approval Is Required – When you’re younger, your friends’ approval means a lot. You need that confirmation. You want to know they’re behind you. However, by the time you’re 30-something, you’ve likely questioned the influence you’ve allowed your friends to have on your life decisions, especially when it comes to dating. Let’s face it. These are the same girls who persuaded you to go out with the cute panhandler who flirts with you daily outside your office building.

What’s rule No. 3? Read the rest of this article here: 

10
Nov
10

Tips From the Hook-Up Handbook

So, I am sort of in the midst of getting hooked up with a random guy. I describe him that way ‘cause so far there’s little to suggest we’d be compatible. I consider it a compliment that the girlfriend responsible wants me to meet this fellow. However, this reminds me of a past situation where I was encouraged to go out with a guy solely based on the fact that we were both single. Honestly, that’s not criterion enough for me to want to meet a guy. So, for future reference, here’s my “I have someone I want you to meet” checklist.

1. We must have something in common (other than being single): Does he like to write? Does he like museums, too? Do we each possess a dry sense of humor? Did we both shock you with our vast knowledge of ‘80s hip hop? If you’ve answered yes to these questions, then maybe I’d like to meet this guy. If the only similarity between us is that neither of us has plans for Valentine’s Day, then I’ll pass.

2. He has to meet your standards: If you know you’d never date this guy, even if you two were the last two living beings on the planet, then please don’t pass him my way. If he’s still living at home, has six children by four different women, and you have cause to question his sexuality, I take back my earlier sentiment about considering the hook up a compliment. I’m now insulted.

3. He has to be 100% single: My life is pretty drama free. Don’t introduce me to the guy who saw me on your Facebook page and asked for a hook up even though he’s still in a situation. I don’t want to create any love triangles or get involved with any guy who’s not only carrying around baggage, but is struggling trying to make room to stuff more crap in. I’ll stay where I am where it’s nice and roomy.

If the guy stands up to these top 3 criteria, I’ll be more than happy to take it from there.

At the risk of never being hooked up again, I’m posting this for every SIS out there who has been set up with a guy only to sit there wondering what in the world your friend was thinking when she decided to match you with him! The truth is that, she probably didn’t give it too much thought. She saw two pleasant single people, and decided to channel her inner Chuck Woolery. Don’t look at it as a personal reflection on you. Just send her this entry to help guide her if you think she might try it again. She’ll get the point.

25
Aug
10

When the Male BFF Finds Love…


Sometimes I miss my male friends. No, I don’t mean guys I dated, and I don’t think they were guys who wanted anything romantic from me. They were just friends of the opposite sex. We could call each other at God-awful times of the morning to bout insomnia. We went to movies together and pimped one another for valuable relationship advice. They were fellas available to help move heavy loads and change the oil in the car.

That was before she came along.

I don’t mean to hate on my male friends’ S.O.s. Most of them are lovely ladies who’ve made my friends’ lives better, but when your male BFF gets tied down, it changes things. You can’t call him at 3 a.m. The two of you can no longer chill on the couch and watch a movie. My oil changes are now done by strangers at the Jiffy Lube.

Friendships change and evolve. That’s part of life. When my girlfriends married, that required some adjustment, too.  They had to check hubby’s calendar before committing to specific dates, and they were a little more reserved on our infrequent nights out. So, it shouldn’t be a big deal or much of a surprise that my relationships with my guy friends also change when they marry.

However, it feels a little different. Maybe that’s because when you’re both single, it doesn’t matter whether outsiders think there might be something romantic going on between you and your platonic male friend, but once he’s committed to that special someone, it most certainly does.

Now, part of your friendship includes making sure his girl is comfortable with your relationship. You make sure you don’t hug him too long or too tight. You make a point to add her name to all invitations. You find someone else to take you to the airport, and when you have insomnia, you don’t bother dialing his number; you blog.




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