Archive for January, 2010


Five Pick-Ups Men Should Avoid

I hate to be real critical on this point because if I were a dude and “burdened” with making the first move 90% of the time, I might run out of ideas about how to approach the opposite sex myself.

Luckily, I only have to worry about eye contact. 🙂

With that said, I want to list some approaches that I think men should avoid.

(1) The Drive-By Holla: So, I’m driving to work, and I happen to look to the right, or maybe I hear a honk, and a guy in the next car waves at me with a wink and a nod. So, even if he were cute, what is a girl supposed to do? Am I supposed to stop my car, get out and walk up to his vehicle? Maybe I’m supposed to roll down my window and shout out my number to a man who I know nothing about, but who now has my telephone and possibly my license plate numbers. I wonder. Who does this approach work for?

(2) The Holy Roller Holla: So, I have nothing against meeting a nice guy in the House of the Lord. As a matter of fact, I welcome it, but please don’t try to holler during Sunday morning service. If he’s staring me down during the pastor’s sermon, he’s just showing me how severe his ADD really is. Can he at least wait until the benediction? If I’m gone before he can make his way across the sanctuary to my pew, maybe that’s God’s hand at work.

(3) The Handyman Holla: True story. A contractor was doing work on my house, and before I knew it, he was attempting to seduce me. He pulled out his phone, turned on some salsa music and tried to teach me some forbidden moves. Let me explain how uncomfortable this is. I’m home alone with an aggressive stranger who is displaying signs of sexual frustration. Honestly, his interest might have been better received if he were a bit more subtle. The attempt at physical contact – and his request that I put on high heels — put him over the top, and had me scanning the room for an item to use as a weapon if need be.

(4) The Wing-Man Holla: “My friend likes you.” This was cute in second grade, but unless said friend is mute, or he’s paying his sidekick by the hour, why can’t he approach the object of his affection himself? Right from jump, he’s giving a woman reason to question his sincerity.

(5) The Data Entry Holla: At some point the cell phones probably will come out and info will be exchanged. However, it’s not unheard of for a guy to shove a cell phone in a woman’s face and command, “Put your number in here.” That’s not horribly unacceptable if it follows some getting-to-know-you conversation, but when the guy doesn’t even bother to ask your name first, how could he be that into you? Seriously. Will he even know whose number it is the next time he’s flipping through his phone? What happened to making a connection first?

The truth is I really do sympathize with the fellas sometimes. What approaches work? It all depends on the people involved. Some girls may love the Wing-Man Holla. Maybe that contractor had luck dancing salsa with a single woman in the past. I don’t know, but I do know that when a guy attempts to make contact with a woman, it’s usually somewhat of a compliment. So, this SIS tries to be conscious of that and sometimes offers a wave back at the dude in the next car before I speed off.


In Defense Of Miss Independent

I was in a chat room recently, and while the participants were responding to the recent omnipresent news about the large number of single, professional sistahs, someone suggested that if women want to attract a man, they need not boast their independence.

Obviously, this comment struck a chord with me. I had to question, “What’s wrong with being proud of one’s independence?”

To me, being an independent woman means that you’re comfortable caring for yourself. You’re paying your own bills, feeding you and yours, holding down at least one job and keeping your home in order. Granted, that may not exactly be a selling point to every guy, but it’s certainly nothing to hide. Why shouldn’t an adult be able to care for herself?

I guess there is some room for clarification, though. Just because a woman is independent doesn’t mean there’s no room in her life for a man. Trust me. If there’s a guy willing to hang that picture or unclog that drain, most women would gladly hand over the hammer and Mr. Plumber.

However, knowing I can take care of myself means that when I do meet Mr. Right, I’ll be focused on his character, our compatibility and how he makes me feel, not so much on how many dirty jobs he can handle or the salary he’s bringing to the table. What I’d want from him is what only he could provide, not what I could hire a handyman to do.

If the day comes when this SIS settles into a serious relationship, it won’t be because I’m dependent on a man, but it will be because I met one in particular that I want to share my life with. Then maybe, his smile, sense of humor, listening ear and encouraging words are the things I’d become dependent on.


Enjoying ‘Me’ Time

I’m a solo roller, meaning most of the time I roll solo. I shop alone. I usually go to the movies alone. I’ve eaten at restaurants alone, traveled alone and gone to nightclubs alone. What can I say? I’m not always patient enough to wait around for my friends’ calendars to clear up. So, I just go when I’m ready to go, even if no one is available to tag along.

Knowing how much some people like to assume all singles are miserable, I am conscious of the fact that I may be soliciting unwanted pity from those who can’t understand that alone doesn’t necessarily mean lonely.

The truth is that; although there are times when I won’t go out unless I’m with a friend, I really do enjoy my own company. I appreciate my own thoughts (and hope you do, too) and don’t at all mind letting my mind roam when I’m people watching or sipping on an overpriced latte at the book store.

I really haven’t given much thought about how hanging out by myself makes me feel. I don’t think I have any real feelings about it. However, I can say that I don’t feel humiliated. So, a recent article, offering tips on how to dine solo without feeling embarrassed, is a bit ill conceived, in my opinion.

Why should anyone be embarrassed to be out alone? The one person you must spend time with is yourself. If you can enjoy that time, whether it be at home on the sofa or walking through a park, then this SIS thinks you’re ahead of the game.


The Dating Power Struggle

A while back, a friend and I debated whether men or women have the upper hand when it comes to relationships. Who rules?

To me, it seems that men have the power in relationships. In most scenarios, the guy makes the first move by initiating contact. Plus, men decide when and to whom they’ll propose, while the majority of women just patiently wait for the question to be popped. Some states even have common-law marriages to help make things legal for the sisters with commitment-shy boyfriends.

My friend thinks women rule the world because, according to him, men do everything they do to impress women. They earn degrees, get jobs and even groom themselves based on who they want to attract and what women are drawn to. According to him, if women refused to date men with ears, all the men in the world would be walking around lobe-less and deaf.

Actually, now that I revisit this, I’m wondering whether it’s just a matter of which person is more interested in making the relationship work.

If the man is head over heels for the woman, then she’s sitting pretty. If a woman is seeing hearts each time she looks at her man, then he may be holding all the cards in that particular relationship.

I’ve heard that the best relationships are those in which the man is more infatuated with the woman. His sheer determination and devotion win her over, and they each end up happy. He’s happy ‘cause he’s “won” his heart’s desire, and she’s happy because he’s treating her like a queen.

I am not really sure what works best, but any future marriage for me would be with a guy who thinks I’m Heaven sent, and I’d have to feel the same way about him.


Weight Off the Single Gal’s Shoulders

It’s been a rough few weeks for the single, independent sistahs out there. First, there was The Washington Post article focusing on a black woman who sleeps with men she has no interest in and doesn’t date nice guys. Hopefully, the masses realize she’s not the average SIS. However, since she supposedly has a movie deal in the works, I’m a little concerned.

 Then, there was the ABC report which confirmed there really is a shortage of black men out there. It’s not as if we didn’t already know this, but the national spotlight helped to drive the point through the heart like a stake.

So, when I heard this little nugget of positive news concerning women who live alone, I decided to share it. It probably won’t cause you to jump or shout, but at this point, I think any news to help balance the scale and prevent an occurrence of mass suicides is appreciated.

The New York Times reported on  a study that finds women who live alone weigh less. I don’t want to suggest that there’s anything wrong with being a sister with the figure of Jennifer Hudson or Mo’Nique if that’s your choice; however, we do know that obesity can bring about hypertension and diabetes. So, I think we can all agree that such health conditions should be prevented.

According to the study, most women who are coupled eat more. Whether that’s because they’re constantly being wined and dined, or because they’re licking whipped cream off of their lovers is unclear.

However, I prefer to contemplate why the single lifestyle might lead a SIS to be thinner.

It could be that single women usually don’t have men bringing McDonald’s, hot dogs and pizza into their home to tempt them. It might also be that women who live alone are spending the bulk of their money on the mortgage, and not so much on food. Simply put, maybe single women have more time to focus on themselves.

Who knows?

In the end, I’m just happy to hear some positive news reported on singles. Consider this a light at the end of the tunnel, a silver lining for your cloud and cake that you can have and eat … without worrying too much about your weight.


Location. Location. Location.

You take a lot of things into consideration when trying to decide where to live. Climate, career opportunity and cost of living all play a factor. When talking to single independent sistahs about the dating pool in their regions, more than a few are wondering whether the number of good, eligible men should have been on their list of criteria.

It turns out the few women I know who are actually in promising relationships, are dating men far from home. My college friend is mailing baked goods to a dude in Mississippi, and two friends of a friend are flying to Houston on a regular basis in hopes of building something substantial with some Texans.

Is there a region in the country where all the good, quality, handsome men are concentrated? Doubt it. If so, it’s a kept secret.

However, I can understand the need to venture out and expand the dating pool options.

If you’re out there looking for a relationship and have wondered why you’ve not found a guy who makes your hair straighten – without the benefit of a hot comb or a relaxer – then, you’ve probably entertained the idea that you might not be where to good men are.

While you’re surrounded by the players, the gay and the lazy men, the natural assumption is that there must be some good ones somewhere.

So, while I don’t think any of my friends are contemplating relocating solely hoping to meet some new guys, I think most women I come across would consider that a benefit if the opportunity to move to a new city presented itself.

In the meantime, this SIS just looks at it as another reason to schedule some travel this year. Will I make my way to Mississippi or Houston? I don’t know, but I hear their “tourist attractions” might be worth it.

January 2010
« Dec   Feb »