Is It Time for More Sistahs to Widen the Net?


I’ll admit to being a work in progress. Maybe it’s a sign of how much I need to grow, but it’s true that I felt a twinge of WTF when I attended a recent family event and all my young, male cousins arrived with non African-American girlfriends.

It’s completely irrational, but I thought about all the young, black girls who may be left without a good, black man to call their own because my relatives met perfect matches who weren’t the same color as we are. Of course, love is blind and sometimes the right person comes in a varying shade.

So, that made me wonder why more black women don’t date non-black men. Obviously, it would widen the net and result in more options. So, why do a lot of women refuse to take advantage? I asked a few friends for their take on the issue.

They unanimously felt that black women do have hang-ups about dating outside of the race, and a common reason offered for this was that black women want black families.

JJ (32) said, “We’re overly committed to a textbook idea of what black family is.”

Renee (33) adds, “A lot of black women have been raised to see the power in a strong black nuclear family. However, I see more and more women dating and married to men of other races. It’s not so much about a “black family” but just a “family.”

Also, it seems black women want to avoid the hassle of dating outside the race. They are unsure about how their families will react.

Rosey (32) said, “Black women need validation from their family and friends and don’t think they’ll get that.

Another recurring response was that black women just don’t socialize with non-black men too much. It’s not a conscious decision, just a matter of fact in most instances.

Doll Face, who dated a white guy for four years in her hometown, said, “Where I reside now, I feel is more segregated. I don’t see white people or come in contact with them to date them.”

However, having dated outside the race, she is not opposed to doing it again, and she encourages single black women to try it. She said, “Black women should open up their horizons. Why not?”

JJ agrees. “In reality, most educated black women probably would find a more appropriate partner outside of what most of today’s black men have to offer.”

However, there was at least one SIS with a firm opinion in the opposite direction. HamptonGirl1998 said, “I think most black women should remain loyal to black men despite them wanting and often going after diversity.”

Needless to say, it’s a personal choice, but this SIS will definitely be checking herself and thinking about her “other” options if that WTF twinge rears its ugly head again.


6 Responses to “Is It Time for More Sistahs to Widen the Net?”

  1. 1 MS
    September 27, 2009 at 10:01 am

    Robin Thicke, Robert Deniro and Bill Maher have all dated or married black women… and Halle Berry finally seems to happy now with her white man… We have seen her struggle with black men for years and now she has her baby and her man and seems to be chillin’

    Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE my black men, but I don’t think sisters should limit themselves based solely on color.

  2. 2 Vivian
    October 23, 2009 at 9:07 pm

    Always love this debate. I can’t decide whether African-American women are crazy or loyal for sticking with men who will date anyone. As Hispanic, I’ve had interesting conversations with African-American men, who tell me that AA women can be “difficult.” My response is always. “all women can be difficult.”

  3. 3 Elayna
    December 18, 2009 at 11:32 am

    I am finally willing to go outside the box. I love my black brothas, but am tired. They do not want to commit, open up, or be faithful. I am not a big fan of interracial dating, but I, like most women, want a family and a real relationship. It seems to me though, that white men aren’t as forth coming at approaching black women as their counterparts. Where do go to meet men of other races, or men period for that matter?

  4. 4 Zandra
    July 29, 2010 at 7:15 pm

    Finally I have come across a site for black women on relationships. A site that is open for us to explore our options outside our race without feeling guilty. The black man today doesn’t want us and it is okay for him to date outside his race guilt free. I can’t wait around hoping for a black to like me. If someone out there likes me and treats me- well so be it!

  5. 5 Eric
    August 11, 2010 at 12:42 pm

    I’m a white guy who met my African woman at a party that was mixed company. We were looking at her camera after someone snapped a photo. She was holding the camera and I asked “who is this beautiful woman?” Our eyes met, she knew that I knew it was her.

    We’re going to be married next year. 🙂

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