04
Jan
11

Beware of the Faux Beau

There are a lot of different kinds of men from whom the SIS should shy away: playas, DL brothers, philanderers, abusers, etc… Most of us have developed some sort of radar for the fellas who fall into these categories.

If you’re not 100% sure he remembers your name ‘cause he’s been calling you “babe” since the day you met, he could be a playa. If he spends all day Saturday shopping for a sexy outfit to wear to his boy’s weekly poker night, there’s a chance he’s gay. Philanderers are the ring wearers who stop you in the Victoria Secret to tell you how unhappy they are at home, and abusers try to put you on a phone schedule and expect hourly text messages about your whereabouts.

Within a day or two of meeting these jokers, the flags are waving, and you’ve got one foot out the door. These undesirables are pretty easy to spot.

However, there’s another type of guy who can be just as lethal to your emotional well-being if left unchecked, but is much more subtle and less detectable.

That’s the faux beau.

He’s that friend in your life who keeps you interested enough and treats you well enough to distract you from other potential partners, but for whatever reason, he refuses to commit to you.

On weekends, when you should be out with the girls looking cute and eligible, you’re all fancy walking into the Macaroni Grill or Lucky Strike with him. He wouldn’t dream of forgetting your birthday and gave you the most thoughtful gift. He encourages you, supports you and may even throw around the L-word liberally. You’ve met his best friends and maybe a relative or two, and sometimes there are special “benefits” to the relationship.

Sometimes you wonder how the relationship got to this point, but you recognize that you’re holding out hope that something romantic might just spring forth. You’re carrying a torch ‘cause there are definitely feelings there. It stands to reason that two great friends could eventually become even greater lovers.

However, if he’s not feeling the same, then there’s nothing for that flame to do but die out.

If you’ve tuned into season two of “What Chilli Wants,” then you know that Floyd Mayweather is the singer’s faux beau. The boxer recently bought her a pair of $14,000 diamond encrusted earrings as a token of his affection. As her relationship coach, Tionna Smalls, said, “Floyd is trouble.” Then, Smalls vowed to keep Chilli away from him.

How do you to rid yourself of the faux beau? The truth is that the drama will probably drag on until he’s totally convinced you of his complete disinterest in a romantic relationship, and things might get ugly. His contradictions between actions and words will finally become more than you can stand, and you’ll likely come to a point where you’ll glady redefine things with the faux beau in hopes of meeting a sincere significant.

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6 Responses to “Beware of the Faux Beau”


  1. 1 Leslie
    January 4, 2011 at 2:32 pm

    Chilli is yet another victim of what I call “unattainable man” syndrome. Of course he’s highly desirable… Because he’ll never be yours! His silence speaks volumes when she asks him anything significant about their relationship potential… Time to wake up and move on!

  2. 2 SistahEsq
    January 4, 2011 at 3:43 pm

    Got it. Very well put–especially that last sentence.

  3. 3 dee in san diego
    January 5, 2011 at 1:40 pm

    I’ve been reading for a few months…I read blogs from work most of the time so I can’t really respond…

    I am ashamed to say that at 41 I had a “not boyfriend” for 2 years…he did all the right things…was there for all the important events…taught my son(from 16-18)things young men should know…. important lessons, holidays birthdays great gifts etc….but NEVER WANTED A RELATIONSHIP….AFTER 2 1/2 YEARS…

    one day I woke up and said ENOUGH…no ultimatums just good bye and I wish you well

    at 41 a man should know better….shame on me!! I went along with it…

  4. January 6, 2011 at 4:12 pm

    The funny this is Chilli isn’t the only one who has a “Faux Beau”. I think most women I know, myself included, has fallen into this a time or two. Trust me I’ve had my share over the past year or so of guys who talked a good game but when it came down to it they weren’t about anything and sure as heck weren’t interested in being in a relationship.

    Why continue to waste time with someone who isn’t really interested in investing in a relationship? We as women have to see through the BS and not get caught up in being comfortable with a man who is only temporary and has no intentions of becoming permanent.

  5. 5 27moni
    August 21, 2011 at 3:48 am

    hmmmm. After stumbling across this blog i realise that i have a faux beau and i am in trouble because after 3 years i find myself in love but there is clearly nothing going to happen. However i feel that we are friends and don’t want to give him the boot. Maybe i should just start dateing and stop being so available to him.

  6. 6 JoanMiro
    September 5, 2011 at 11:13 am

    I had a faux beau, gave him a year to marry me. He didn’t, so I left. Now, he’s married (someone younger & prettier) and has a child (I couldn’t have any) so I guess all’s well that ends well. He’s happy. I’m happy. Get this: we’ve become friends!


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