Are Ugly Men the Answer?

For the record, I don’t actually believe in the concept of “ugly.” Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so even Boris Kodjoe is hard on somebody’s eyes, and the strongly unattractive probably have something beautiful going on: a nice smile, great eyelashes, healthy skin, etc…

So, my real question is whether or not dating a man who may be rating lower than you on the generally accepted scale of aesthetics is a good idea?

According to this article, which quotes a study in the Journal of Family Psychology, dating a less attractive man may lead to a happier relationship.

“It’s possible that a man who is less attractive than his partner feels so grateful to be with her that he works harder to maintain the relationship, amping up the amount of emotional support and kindness he provides,” says Benjamin R. Karney, Ph.D., a professor of social psychology at UCLA. “Yet a man who is better looking than his partner knows he has lots of other options besides his mate, so he’s less committed to providing the emotional support long term relationships need to thrive.”

If you haven’t seen examples of this in your daily life, look at celebrity couples such as Beyonce and Jay-Z, Heidi Klum and Seal, and Janet Jackson and Jermaine Dupri, who are no longer an item.

Sure, many men assume that these guys won the hearts of these dime pieces because of their money, power and respect. I’m sure that didn’t hurt, but I also have an inkling that these fellas, knowing they might be at a slight disadvantage in the looks department, decided to sweep these women off their feet and treat them like they deserved.

As quiet as it’s kept, that often outweighs attractiveness. If he’s outwardly cute, but treats you like his concubine, instead of his queen, then he turns inwardly ugly real quick.

If his working harder to support you emotionally and be the best partner ever aren’t reasons enough to consider dating that less attractive guy, the article offers another reason.

“…you may find that your not-so-pretty man brings his A-game in the bedroom. ‘What I’ve seen from my clinical practice is that women who are married to men less attractive than them often have happy sex lives most likely because their mate tries harder to please them sexually,’ says Bethany Marshall, Ph.D.”

Since my mom reads this blog, I’m going to leave that right there.

So, while I’m not at all encouraging any SIS to date someone she finds unattractive, the pros of dating a guy who is less than a 10 might actually outweigh the cons, and that might be worth considering if a not-so-bad-looking millionaire man with a broom arrives to sweep you off your feet.


8 Responses to “Are Ugly Men the Answer?”

  1. 1 Machelle Thomas
    December 20, 2010 at 7:46 pm

    What I like you may not like.So,what I look for in a man,that’s my perference.He doesn’t have to look good to you because he is always in my company.Matter of fact he is beholding my eye’s not yours.I’m not really on looks,just as long as he has a nice smile on his face.

  2. December 21, 2010 at 11:04 am

    This is such a good topic to discuss. I think most people realize, as they get older and mature more, that it’s not all about the looks. It’s really about the entire package (get your heads out of the gutter.lol). I’m talking about the person’s personality that makes them more attractive (inside and out).

    But, I can only speak for myself. When I was younger, I was all about wanting to date the hot guys. It was more about what other people thought about the person I was with. But, as a 30-year-old woman now, I realize that it’s much more than looks that defines the person I’d like to see myself with on a long-term basis. Sure, money helps – that’s security. And, common courtesy and chivalry is necessary. The really attractive guys that are all into themselves seem to lack the latter.

    A guy with a genuine character, kindness, and true love for his mate is the one that will be more successful with the ladies. There has to definitely be some level of sexual attraction though, so he has to be tolerable to look at – can’t be butt ugly. LOL … Just sayin’

  3. 3 blackbarbiekj
    December 21, 2010 at 11:51 am

    Hmmm… “Ugly” is NOT the answer.

    Been there done that and I have YET to be swept off my feet.

    I can remember a guy I was dating had it going on in every department except looks. When I invited a co-worker to attend a function that he invited me too, she could not believe that THIS was the guy that I had been so caught up in.

    Its a good start but I truly believe that if you date a ugly guy YOU boost his CONFIDENCE and he will start believing that if he could “get you” then what else is out there. Think about it.

    I can’t wait to see Jermaine Dupri’s next significant other but believe you me she will be just as pretty if not prettier than the last chick 🙂


  4. December 21, 2010 at 11:29 pm

    My friends always say I like “ugly” dudes. I say personality is what gets me. Looks of course can attract you but personality is what keeps you. Dudes I have thought were not cute actually improved based on their personality. Those other foine dudes became annoying and repulsive due to how they acted.

  5. January 2, 2011 at 4:47 pm

    Love this post! I think it’s true that guys who are what others would consider to be “ugly” do work much harder in relationships.

    The guy that I’m currently dating is not at all my usual type when it comes to looks. What draws me to him is his personality and the fact that he’s always trying to impress me, not by buying me things but in the way he compliments me and how he’s so into me. Sometimes, it can be a little bit of a turn off that he is so into me, but hey I rather have someone who’s excited about being with me then someone who has a take it or leave it type of attitude like most of the attractive men I’ve encountered.

  6. January 4, 2011 at 9:43 pm

    When your ugly you have to be successful to get someone attractive. Your credit has to be perfect. You must have a good job, college degree etc. And Money attract attractive gold diggers, nuff said!

  7. 7 Donny
    January 5, 2011 at 10:02 am

    I actually agree with blackbarbie. So called ugly dudes will turn into players right under your nose. On the flip side his ugly ass might wanna keep you chained to a radiator in his basement.

  8. 8 nise
    July 30, 2011 at 11:00 pm

    not in any of the cases have I see men work harder to mantain the relationship. What i have seen many times is the male (usually very unattractive)will use verbal and social abuse(keeping you away from friends and family) to make the woman feel low, convinceing her that she is lucky to have found someone who would have even considered dating her and that he was doing her a big favor. You can find those same qualities in an attractive man.

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