18
Aug
10

The Church Factor: Helpful or Hurtful?

I participated in an online discussion recently, and this question was raised: Is the church one reason so many black women are single?

The answer to this question should probably be determined on a case-by-case basis. It’s possible that someone’s devotion to religious activities might keep her too busy to worry about romance, but I doubt that’s the norm. I’d argue that any divide between the church-going SIS and a fulfilling romantic relationship has more to do with that Christian woman’s spiritual standards and less to do with the actual church itself.

In my experience, the church doesn’t encourage women to remain single. I’ve found most focus the majority of their ministries on supporting marriage and family. However, it does advise Christians to live in a way that’s often contrary to society’s norms. The most obvious example would be that of premarital sex. While, it’s a popular and accepted practice these days (so much so that even adolescents on Teen Nick are with child or visiting the clinic for STD vaccines), many Christians believe that sex should be saved for marriage.

How many single men wanna hear that (… or women, for that matter)?

I’ve also met women who won’t date divorced men because these sistahs don’t believe the Bible condones it. Then, there are the lifestyle differences. If a woman is giving the church 10% of her income, it’s probably best she marry a man who also participates in tithing. If she doesn’t drink alcohol or listen to secular music, these lifestyle choices based on her beliefs, will likely greatly decrease her dating pool.

So, a Christian SIS may have certain standards that others, who have no spiritual expectations for their partners, might not have. The same goes for members of any religious faith.

While it may be true that one’s preference for a partner of a specific faith may limit her dating options, this SIS doesn’t think that the problem is with any particular belief system or religious institution.

It’s just another thing that helps determine when you’ve met “the one.” It’s something else you’ll share with your partner that indicates he might be Mr. Right.

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2 Responses to “The Church Factor: Helpful or Hurtful?”


  1. August 19, 2010 at 2:11 am

    Another blog I read asked if the church keeps black women single. And what I said there, I will repeat: Church doesn’t keep you single anymore than your job does. People use anything as an excuse for their shortcomings. My focus when going to church is not to try to get a hook up anyway. It’s about improving my relationship with God. Once I get it right with Him, then I can get it right with someone else. Also it’s about balance. God gives us enough sense to know how to balance our lives. And maybe just maybe that sister in the church 24/7 is content to focus all her attention on God. I think it was C.S. Lewis who wrote woman’s heart should be so close to God that a man has to chase Him to find her.

  2. 2 Machelle Thomas
    August 19, 2010 at 9:46 am

    I’m single for a reason not because of the Church or anything else but God.His holy spirit had spoke to me about it’s best to wait on him to send me a husband.It took me at least six years to realize that I deserve so much more then he can give me, not myself.When we go to Church it should be to serve God and not be up in there looking to find someone.But hearing and listening to what the Pastor sermon is all about.


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