Can you be friends with a guy after you’ve had a romantic relationship? I’ll admit that I haven’t been able to master this trick. When a man and I decide we’re not going to continue dating, it usually ends there. There are no more calls on birthdays or holidays. We’re not Facebook friends. It’s done.
For me, the only exception has been my college boyfriend who I dated for more than five years. Do I care whether he lives or dies? Yes, that’s why I keep in touch. However, even that friendship is a somewhat weak one. We pretty much keep our communications electronic, and we’ve stopped taking time to visit when we travel to each other’s cities.
So, why is it difficult for people who were once close as Siamese twins to remain friends once the relationship goes platonic?
My guess is that it’s easier for both parties to open up to new romantic prospects if they’re not keeping old fires flickering by staying close to former flames. Reminiscing about first kisses and midnight trips to “the spot” don’t do much for closure.
So, keeping an ex at a distance makes sense.
However, if you spent years building a friendship with someone, learning them and loving them, then it stands to reason that you find some good in that person that’s worth holding onto. Unless, the breakup was as horribly overdramatic as something out of a Tyler Perry movie, you probably have some happy memories and still care.
So, how do you manage your concern for a former romantic interest, make sure that you’re disconnected enough to emotionally move on and still maintain a strong friendship?
I’m hopeful there are successful examples of that out there. I believe that two mature adults can remain friends after a romantic relationship ends. Your ex might not be your BFF, but great friends aren’t easy to come by, so if you can maintain a healthy relationship with someone you care about and who cares about you, it’s probably worth it.