3 Reasons ‘Friends With Benefits’ Doesn’t Work

So, I recognize that I can’t speak for every woman in the world. There are females out there who truly don’t mind being a Jump Off and who really do date “like men.” They don’t get emotionally attached to their flings, and move on from them as easily as Nikki Minaj changes wigs.

However, I’d venture to say that not too many women are satisfied with the Friends With Benefits (FWB) relationship. It rarely works. Why not? Here’s my take.

The Next Man: So, you’re in this FWB arrangement when you meet a guy who makes you wanna change your last name, first name and middle name, too. Do you keep things status quo with your buddy while the possible man of your dreams is smacking your ankles with a broom tryin’ to sweep you off your feet? That seems a little shady. Do you end things with FWB right away, or do you simply explain to the new guy that you’re a bit casual with yours, which few good guys consider a selling point? No matter which you decide, it can be a messy transition.

The ‘Other Lover’: When it comes to FWB, the “other lover” who ruins the relationship is the one the guy you’re laying next to might be respectfully courting while he’s treating you more like … his hand. Is he really wining and dining a woman he hopes to be serious about while reaping the benefits of your arrangement? It’s possible, and that gnawing question is often enough to make any SIS go “Fatal Attraction” on a brutha. It’s not that you’re feelin’ him, but that’s just a little disrespectful. No?

The Feelings Factor: Whether he catches feelings or the SIS does, usually one party starts to enjoy the FWB’s time a little more than the other. One’s fantasizing about turning the relationship into something more serious, while the other’s wondering why time outside the bed seems to be increasing. You’ve seen “Boomerang.” Whether you’re Eddie, Halle or Tisha yelling over the back fence, someone gets hurt.

Bottom Line: It takes a special woman to handle the FWB relationship. I’m not knocking those who make it work, and even a committed relationship faces challenges, but if you’re going to have intimate issues with somebody, this SIS thinks it might as well be an honest-to-goodness boyfriend.


8 Responses to “3 Reasons ‘Friends With Benefits’ Doesn’t Work”

  1. July 9, 2010 at 3:18 am

    Women are just not emotionally wired to handle FWB. And there’s no benefits to the friendship. Sex is not all you need. In honesty, it’s not really a friendship. Just say no.

  2. 2 sunt97
    July 9, 2010 at 11:49 am

    I know I can handle it as I have before. I love dude as my friend and our relationship as friends has never changed. We can hang out, laugh and sometimes get a little lovin, but it doesn’t cause any problems. We just try to keep the communication lines open especially when one of us is about to start dating someone. Then we are hands off and only talk.

    Peace, Love and Chocolate

  3. July 9, 2010 at 11:54 am

    I think a FWB works for a woman if she’s not trying to be booed up with a boyfriend or husband anytime soon. Otherwise, if you ultimately want commitment then avoid a FWB like the plague.

  4. 4 donFWBpeezy
    July 9, 2010 at 1:56 pm

    I generally think women that have FWB are either getting played or are playing themselves.

    I’ve had my share of FWB, even gotten benefits from friends of a friend … lol. Its not a good look. I think FWB are either afraid of or incapable having a real relationship. so they are simply lowering expectations

  5. July 9, 2010 at 3:33 pm

    I agree with Tiffany – I think it can work when both parties are just honest. Sometimes easier said than done, but if there is a true friendship at the foundation, then FWB can work. We’ve all seen 101 end badly, but I know of just as many that have worked or are currently working.

  6. 6 nise
    April 23, 2011 at 12:37 am

    even if you are honest, when that other person reveals that they no longer need your services and have found a respectable woman (who he can take home to mother)you may end up feeling used. You may not even notice you have feelings for him till you find there is someone else

  7. 7 J
    September 8, 2011 at 6:45 pm

    I have realised that being FWB does not work, i’ve tried it myself, its still going on, and i was just thinking what to do about it before i clicked on this site, wheather to end it or not as i’m starting to get emotionally attached to the guy, and i know he doesnt want anything other than sex. I realised even doe im only 20 years old that i want a proper boyfriend. And i’m now in a dangerous situation where i have really fallen for this guy, and the best thing to do is to let it go and walk away, and hopefully find my future boyfriend, i mean its not like i want to get married just yet, i just want romance, and you cant get that with a sex buddy. If you can handle it and your both on the same page, then i say go for and enjoy it.

    J, x

  8. 8 Lil C
    February 11, 2013 at 7:08 am

    i was just in a fwb situation w a guy ive known for about 30 years or so… i had no idea there was fwb “guide so to speak until this very moment n all the rules were broke on his part .The only thing that wasnt really was we didnt go out in public… we went camping w 2 very close family members one time. All i can say is this went on for a year n im really hurt n pretty sure the friendship is done as well. He was up front about not wanting a relationship BUT he did things that made me seriously question that at times… when he found out how i was beginning to feel he should of left me alone n he did for about 3weeks and then started calling again… my fault for making my self a convienence to him i know! That wasnt permission to take advantage of my feelings though so with that being said… i regret this entire past year n ya im a lil angry at him and myself as well n im heart broken as well. Lesson learned! thank you for letting me get it off my chest

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