Handing Out a ‘Cheating’ Pass

I was having a discussion with a married friend about Steve Harvey and his advice for single women. While it’s my opinion that a lot of his suggestions for the SIS are self-serving (or at least blatantly biased toward the male perspective), she felt his common theme was empowering for the ladies. What she took away from his words of wisdom was basically hold suitors up to your standards ‘cause they’ll only do what you allow them to do.

Whether that was Harvey’s main point or not, I think it’s concrete advice. However, it seems when it comes to monogamy and fidelity, a lot of women have completely thrown up their hands and given guys a pass. Instead of expecting a significant other to be faithful, they’ve accepted the belief that men are too primal to be with just one woman.

During Oscar season, talk-show host, Mo’Nique, announced that if her husband cheated on her it would not be a deal breaker. Not long after, R&B artist Erykah Badu shared pretty much the same sentiment.

Badu: “I want [men] to be happy and the more I see how the male of the species behaves, the more I understand, and the less I blame him.”

I’ve never been married, but I can imagine that if I were wed to a man for 20-something years, and he confessed a one-time indiscretion to me, I might be inclined to try to work things out, as opposed to end the union. Maybe.

However, this SIS thinks it’s a slippery slope when women begin excusing men’s cheating and accepting it as part of their nature. Isn’t that the exact lack of accountability Harvey – and my married friend – warned against?

I suppose there are people out there who are genuinely comfortable with open relationships. However, from Erykah’s quote, I detected a hint of acquiescence.

I don’t blame men for trying to sell this philosophy. Few would deny that men’s appetite for various women is generally greater than that of women’s for a bunch of dudes, but I wonder why women are so eager to accept this from men who are in supposedly committed relationships.

I think the “biology” excuse is an insult to men. They’re able to control themselves. They urinate outside because they can, not because they have to. I think women should challenge fellas to commit when they’re ready to stay faithful to their partners. Even if these ladies are unsure about it, I’m pretty positive Mo’Nique, Erykah and the rest of us deserve that.


10 Responses to “Handing Out a ‘Cheating’ Pass”

  1. 1 Leslie
    June 16, 2010 at 5:27 pm

    Amen, amen, amen, SIS! Exercising forgiveness for an indiscretion is one thing, condoning it, a whole different matter!

  2. June 16, 2010 at 7:35 pm


    Peace, Love and Chocolate

  3. 3 blackbarbiekj
    June 17, 2010 at 10:53 am


  4. 4 donwhosyourdaddyparker
    June 17, 2010 at 3:07 pm

    From what I can tell women are cheating at the same rate as men these days. I just hope my wife understands that there will be no forgiveness. Im old school. If my wife cheats I’ll probably kill her. [straight face]

    By the time a person is an adult they should be in control of their beastly passions. I definately agree that using biology as an excuse is pretty lame for a grown ass man. Its pretty lame for an adolescent, but I dont expect much from youngins. I think by age 30 a man should be able to control his Denzel.

    My general opinion is that people are overstimulated sexually by the culture.

  5. June 17, 2010 at 4:33 pm

    Preach to the choir. I refuse to go for the whole “boys will be boys.” We all deserve someone to be totally committed and not just play pimping.

  6. June 18, 2010 at 1:01 pm

    LMBO @ …donwhosyourdaddyparker

    SIS, another great one. Steve Harvey will have a run for his money when your BE A LADY. BE A MAN. (to be read: BE A LADY PERIOD BE A MAN PERIOD)book comes out.

  7. 7 Full Figure Monologues
    June 18, 2010 at 9:18 pm

    Love the blog!

  8. June 19, 2010 at 7:23 pm

    I totally agree! As a society, we have made some really insightful discoveries into science and biology, but as others have said, I think there are times when people use it as a crutch in order to excuse inappropriate behavior.

  9. July 2, 2010 at 10:47 am

    I enjoy your blog and your writing. Will keep coming back.

  10. July 7, 2010 at 12:52 am

    When people act according to what I/we know of human nature, I’m not usually surprised. However, I am often a bit disappointed. The whole point of civilization in the first place was to move as far as we could beyond brute self-satisfaction, greed, and all that good stuff. Civilization was meant to improve our situation, make things easier for as many people to get along as possible. Alas, scientific insight has been a double-edged sword. Sure, we’re smarter for it, but it’s increased our tendency to debase ourselves, for many to say we’re “really just animals”. Yes, we are, but we’re smart animals. We’re animals who not only have/had the ability to improve our lives, but we acted on that desire. The desire to “tame” our inner beasts and get along in something more than a pack or tribe made us different.

    I’m rambling. Sorry.

    An old friend of mine once said, “People do what they want to do.” He was dead on the money.

    There’s a lot more to it, I believe. But I don’t want to clog your blog.

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