Outing the Secret Significant

If you weren’t sure, or if I left some question in your mind, I want to state for the record, that I’m single.

Maybe if I had a significant other, I would have an answer for the following question: What does it mean when your boyfriend or girlfriend doesn’t acknowledge you at all on Facebook?

I know a few people who are in relationships; although, there’s no “In a Relationship” indication on their pages. They’re going on romantic vacations, but not posting any photos, or sharing even vague, general details with those they obviously consider friends. On Valentine’s Day, there was no status update about spending quality time with that special someone.

As far as the World Wide Web is concerned, these folks are pretty much single.

Like I said, I don’t have a significant other, but I’d imagine that if I did, this would irk me a bit and make me wonder: Is he ashamed of me? Is he assuming I won’t be around long enough to worry about “introducing” me to his friends? Is he a playa, making sure available women don’t think he’s taken?

Maybe they’ve had a discussion and both decided not to mention the relationship. Maybe they’re waiting for a specific anniversary before going public with the news, but unless you’re Brangelina, what’s with all the secrecy? It’s not like you’re going to get mobbed by the paparazzi. Sure, you may get a few questions, but I’d imagine the feelings of the secret significant should trump that minor annoyance.

I’m not suggesting that people update their relationship status 30 minutes after it changes, but I think I’d be perturbed if a boyfriend of mine posted photos of his life but left out all the ones with me in them. Hopefully, any guy I end up dating exclusively wouldn’t shy away from posting a photo of the two of us and writing a caption identifying me as his girlfriend. I guess one could argue that such displays aren’t a big deal, but if that’s the case, then why avoid them?

Luckily, this isn’t anything I have to worry about, but for the sistah out there whose boyfriend seems to have an aversion to mentioning your existence on his cyber profiles, this is for you.


7 Responses to “Outing the Secret Significant”

  1. March 22, 2010 at 1:10 pm

    I’ve often wondered this myself and actually got some feedback from men ont it. 1: they don’t want everyone in their business – most of them feel that if a woman knows they are single, they will come along as a temptress and try to seduce them in all kinds of ways. I couldn’t argue with him too much on that because it’s true. Some women love to go after men who are involved. 2: some stuff needs to be private – it’s not so much as hiding you as it is protecting the intimacy of your relationship. You take a chance with the internet of letting too many people be involved in your going-ons. I’ve seen facebook ruin marriages, even those I thought were strong. 3: they fear that official committment – admitting you are in a relationship with a certain person on the Web is like stamping “TAKEN” on the forehead, and we all know how men are when it comes to commitments. Sometimes it takes them a minute into easing into that relationship status thing. Or they could do like me and just not select anything at all. LOL

  2. March 23, 2010 at 2:41 pm

    I always joke with my friends a relationship isn’t offical until it’s on Facebook. At the same time, some people are absolutely annoying with the public display of FB affection. Every five minutes something in my newsfeed is relating to them talking about the boo. I can’t be bothered. If I ever get in a relationship again I’ll probably post things as needed. My relationship staus is on a need to know basis. If anything, I’ll keep things quiet until the relationshi is serious.

  3. March 23, 2010 at 2:43 pm

    offical=official, staus=status and relationshi=relationship. I promise I can spell lol.

  4. 4 Hard Worker
    March 24, 2010 at 6:28 pm

    A very hot topic on some of the pages that I frequent. “people all in my business” is typical male response. I would read that as not wanting the high school/college love to know that you are involved. I have friends who change their relationship status just for fun! You can’t imagine how quick the “sorry to hear that” or “congrats” hit the wall.

  5. 5 Angela
    March 25, 2010 at 9:39 am

    I posted a note on facebook about this very same thing awhile ago. I disagree. I don’t put my relationships status on facebook PERIOD. It doesn’t indicate if I am single or married and won’t ever. If I need validation on Facebook I will check myself into a mental ward and QUICKLY. I wrote this note over a year ago and will cut and paste it here:

    Writen Feb. 2009

    Okay so anyone who knows me knows I think the most ridiculously elementary thing about facebook is the millions of single people, (ie aren’t married), who change their facebook status, to some extent post relationship status on here, but since some of yall be trying to mack on here I suppose you can post it to get the fishers off your page (doesn’t work I am sure).

    I understand that I am above normally private about things like relationships and my closest circle of 5 are really the only ones who need to know and if you had to find out about it via facebook you probably don’t need to know it anyway so I wouldn’t likely list it, but I get an extreme chuckle as couples change their status at the same time and subsequently change profile pictures shortly thereafter. I kind of feel like I am watching Sweet Valley High. I find myself curious….. Are they sitting at the same house on wireless doing it at the same time, on the phone saying okay hit SAVE now, somewhere at dinner about the time in a new relationship where you discuss are we now monogamous/committed do you discuss okay well let’s change our facebook status now? Is it a moment some just wait for with baited breath.

    Ooh yeah I meet this new guy he is mad cool. I can’t wait to change my facebook status so 400 of my coolest peeps know I got him/her LOL I can finally say it! I am in a RELATIONSHIP and drum roll the option of listing who with.

    Then I feel bad when people don’t have the good sense to turn off their relationship status updates when they break up or divorce. Suddenly then you realize how many people are social morons who post to the status update, sorry booh what happened, ooh no right before your b-day, further slicing the knife through your painfully broken heart. It’s good in a way you can just post the reason why you broke up to your page to avoid the tons of phone calls and emails you get after a break up and tell the world at once…. I GUESS LOL

    I suppose I find myself wondering……… as I sit here and wait to see who the next facebook break up is to chuckle to see moronic comments to the update. I mean winter is leaving and folks tend free themselves in the spring in time for naked hootchies for the summer so my warped sense of humor is really likely to get some comedy here soon.

    In the meantime for my other warped sense of humor folks I am posting a few of the ones I found….


    So today while I sit in yet another boring meeting (that I smile as at least I have one to go to) I was like I can’t be the only one who feels this way and googled it. And have been chuckling every since.


    Ah, Facebook. I find myself at once obsessed and annoyed with it on a daily basis.

    I really do think Facebook (for those who use it, at least) has changed the way we communicate with our friends. Just think about how much information we hear about them through the oft-irritating News Feed. I Heck, I not only found out that an ex had gotten engaged through my News Feed, but later caught a pic of his wedding on it, too. Weird.

    In terms of broadcasting information, one thing that really cracks me up is the “Relationship Status” category in each user’s Facebook profile. Some, like me, choose to simply not fill it in. Honestly, this is mainly because I haven’t been in any sort of relationship worth noting since I’ve started using Facebook. Others choose “In a Relationship,” “Single,” or, my personal favorite, “It’s Complicated,” which could mean just about anything.

    I’ve always wondered: Do couples actually have a conversation once they start getting serious about transitioning their Facebook status? Is it today’s version of giving someone your letterman jacket?

    I imagine that the exchange would go something like this:

    Him: “Babe, we should take our relationship to the next level. Let’s upgrade to ‘In a Relationship.’ I think we’re ready.”
    Her: “Ohmigosh, yes! I almost did the other day, but then I didn’t want to do it without talking to you because I didn’t want it to be, like, weird. I’m logging in right now.”

    On the flip side, how soon is too soon after a breakup to change your status back to “Single”? Is there a grace period? A friend of mine was livid when her ex changed his status within hours—yes, hours—of their breakup. She did admit that, really, she wished she had stayed up later that night so that she could have done it first.

    Is this something that needs to be discussed right after you’ve decided who gets to keep which friends and combined purchases? In this case, I picture a terse email from the terminator to the terminated:

    “Subject: (none)
    Message: If you haven’t already un-friended me, I wanted to alert you that I’ve changed my Facebook Relationship Status to ‘Single.’ I suggest you do the same.”

    Hmmm. Awkward much?

    Regardless, stepping up a relationship and breaking one off are both difficult things; do we need a public declaration of either? Sometimes I think that a bit of mystery isn’t such a bad thing. Hence, my Relationship Status will remain blank for quite some time.

  6. 6 d.parker
    April 7, 2010 at 7:05 pm

    My girl isn’t even on my FB friends list.

    I have been meaning to check out her profile to see if she uploaded our vacation pics, but I never got around to it. I haven’t been tagged so who knows. I know I wont be uploading them.

  7. May 1, 2010 at 3:36 am

    Facebook isn’t that serious.

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