Can You Control Who You Attract?

I have a friend who complains that she only seems to attract older men, like guys she would probably address as “Mister” if they weren’t hitting on her. Another friend has to beat the married fellas off with a stick, and I’ve noticed that I seem to attract the in-transition guys – the ones who realize their days of playa-hood are almost over, but are trying to squeeze every last drop of it out before settling down.

So, after recognizing a pattern in the sort of people she attracts, a SIS has to ask herself what is it about me that draws these types?

One of my friends theorizes that we sometimes attract what we fear the most. So, if you’re worried about having to support a man, the jobless will find you irresistible. Is there some validity to this? Can we be so focused on what we absolutely do not want that we subliminally attract just that?

I’m not sure, but it would explain why my homie, who’s a sucker for chivalry, continues to pull in the guys who wouldn’t think to open her car door even if she were trapped inside with Cujo.

I do think that when you meet someone who possesses a trait or characteristic you want to avoid, you’re likely to take special note of it. So, it might not be that you’re only attracting your undesirable sorts. It could just be that when they do pay you attention, it knocks you in the face like Debo did Red in “Friday.”

Either way, I’m thinking it’s good to know what you do and don’t want in a friend or potential mate, but it’s probably more beneficial to focus on the positives. It might not improve your options too much, but it’s likely that the people you want to attract are drawn to glass-half-full folks. So, walking into a room thinking about the new friends you’re going to meet with all their wonderful qualities, is probably a better look than just hoping to repel the undesirables.


5 Responses to “Can You Control Who You Attract?”

  1. March 18, 2010 at 12:29 am

    I tend to attract a plethora of men not on my level: no jobs, old, booed up. You name it, they prolly approach me. There seems to be a sign that says any and all need apply. It’s not even safe for me to go to Wal-Mart at 3 a.m. Now I hate to go outside the house lol. I’ve been saying it must be me.

    My bestie says its something about a person’s auru – the way they carry themselves, dress, etc. – that attracts people. I dress very non-descript and try to blend in as much as possible. At first meeting I may come across as shy. However, I am quite the opposite, i.e. lively, talkative, etc. Clearly the blending in is counterproductive.

  2. March 18, 2010 at 12:32 am

    opps submitted before I was done. Basically because I may appear non-assuming, there is nothing to suggest I’m not just any chick down for whatever. It’s not until a quick convo you’ll realize I have a very low tolerance for BS. I’ve got a BS meter that goes off in about 60 seconds lol.

  3. 3 Stan
    March 19, 2010 at 1:26 am

    Sistah1, you were in rare form on this one… phrases like “the in-transition guys – the ones who realize their days of playa-hood are almost over, but are trying to squeeze every last drop of it out before settling down” and “it knocks you in the face like Debo did Red in “Friday.” got me rollin’, lol!

    But to stay on track, I think we all definitely control who we attract in every relationship in our lives. Our thinking and attitude is key to what comes into our lives.

    Negative people always attract negative people and situations so they can always have a negative story to tell. Positive people always seem to have great days and meet great people. One group isn’t any better than the other one just chooses where to set there minds and the rest happens.

    I choose to think positive and I meet great people everywhere I go, at the store, walking down the street, sitting on the plane you name it. Maybe if I keep my attitude right I might even bump into a talented woman like you one day Sistah1, lol!

  4. 4 TMJohnson
    March 22, 2010 at 2:25 pm

    Great post! You are in rare form with this one, LOL.

  5. 5 d.parker
    April 7, 2010 at 7:16 pm

    “…. trapped inside with cujo” you’re so funny.

    I always attract either brainy girls or sexual deviants (sometimes both). They either wanna tie me down or tie me up.

    I’ve been told that I come off as a brainy dude (dunno why), and I can hardly resist the temptation to slide in a crass comment when the opportunity presents itself. So the fact that I attract sex fiends with masters degrees doesn’t at all surprise me.

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