Stop Trying to Change the Game

I’m kind of tired of society trying to flip the script. I can’t be the only one who’s noticing that the traditional gender roles of dating have nearly reversed.

If it’s not reality TV shows like “For the Love of Ray J” offering gross displays of desperate women competing for a man, then it’s articles and advice columns instructing us on how to approach a guy and do whatever it takes to keep him interested. As if that weren’t enough, there are stats suggesting women are now the breadwinners, and encouraging single ladies to get used to being the primary household earner.

I’m not so old fashioned that I can’t initiate contact with a guy, and a man making more money than I do is not a requirement, but these days I’m getting the message that women are supposed to pursue and provide for the fellas.

Am I the only one that finds that a little off?

I’ll admit that it seems men are at a huge advantage these days when it comes to dating. They’re in no rush to have children which allows them to play “the game” until they’re using Viagara to get on the field, and now that women of other ethnicities have come to recognize the attributes good brothers have to offer, the fellas have more options (while many sistahs refuse to cast a wider net).

So, maybe it does take a little more for a woman to get noticed by a guy these days, but no matter how much ladies are urged go along with the game change, it won’t work.

I still strongly believe that if a guy is interested in a woman, he’ll make it known. He’ll pursue, pick up the phone and call, make dates and do what it takes to sweep that woman off her feet. If he doesn’t want her, no amount of attention is going to sway him. In contrast, a woman will often love the man who genuinely loves her, even if he wasn’t the guy she noticed from across the room.

So, all the conversation about what women need to do to get a man falls on deaf ears when it comes to this SIS. Men go after what they want. That’s their nature. If he’s not pursuing you, he’s likely not that into you.

It’s the natural order of things. It’s not the women who club the men over the heads. That likely only results in a very irritated man, and he should be annoyed. He knows his role, so let him play it.


13 Responses to “Stop Trying to Change the Game”

  1. 1 Leslie
    February 24, 2010 at 11:43 am

    AMEN!!!! I totally agree. Of course, I haven’t been in the game for a decade… Would love to hear some brotha’s thoughts on this…

  2. 2 La
    February 24, 2010 at 1:38 pm

    This is so true. Everytime one of my female friends wants to spend hours discecting the behavior of some dude she is dealing with I tell them the same thing all the time; it’s not that serious. If he wants you, you will know. No need for all the strategizing and analyzing.

  3. 3 dontodusk
    February 24, 2010 at 8:43 pm

    I dont see a dramatic change in the game. But if there is maybe women will get to experience some of that rejection they love to pass around.

  4. 4 SistahEsq
    February 24, 2010 at 10:11 pm

    I agree! The days of good old-fashioned, NO STRINGS ATTACHED courtship seem to be fading fast.

  5. 5 Elizabeth Tutwiler
    February 25, 2010 at 12:24 am

    Glad it’s not just me out here wondering the same about the role reversal head game~! I often feel like I was born in the WRONG generation…

  6. 6 SamC
    February 25, 2010 at 1:02 am

    I though this was funny, but my girlfriend did ask me why do I always laugh at women’s time clocks. Personally I think everybody is crying. Men cry about the abuse and lack of respect from sistas. Sistas miss the 25 and below years where they had very little work to do in dating. Personally people are only old fashioned when it suits there needs or complaints. Women recognizing and settling down with a man who truley loves them is laughable. I do think it’s true that men will either go after the one they want or atleast stare and fantasize about her. Pretty cool blog i’m a fan

  7. 8 TMJohnson
    February 25, 2010 at 10:53 am

    Every woman I shared this posting with has agreed line by line. We always read that guys are simple and only want x,y and z. What I think is simple, is that if a guy wants to be with you he will pursure, no doubt.

  8. 9 Ajamu
    February 25, 2010 at 3:30 pm

    Sometimes a man does not pursue a woman because he feels she is out of his league, or he doesn’t like his chances of success. Men don’t like rejection any more than women do.

  9. 10 BigBootyLuva
    February 25, 2010 at 8:14 pm

    AWW… Somebody please pass the kleenex because I don’t know if I should cry or cry laughing. LOL! Good blog topic. Too bad I don’t agree with you on this. I’m a black man and I’m only into black women, for relationships that is :-), so I find this topic fascinating. You say you’re tired of society trying to flip the script. Well I hate to say it but the script has already been flipped. A lot of women just refuse to believe it. A major shift is going to have to take place in the minds of most women, especially black women. The days of being swept off your feet are long gone (in the traditional sense). Get up off your shoulders and let it be known that you want a boyfriend/husband. It will either work or it wont, but the results wont be any worse than what a lot of women are experiencing these days. Ladies, you’re in the fourth quarter and it’s time to start throwin the ball because the run game aint working. lol

    First off, yall need to stop fooling yourselves with this “I should cast a wider net” theory. I love black women, but face it, other races do not have the black woman on their “who I should marry list.” For some reason black women have convinced themselves that they too can partake in the multicultural lovefest that the brothers enjoy. Umm…I don’t think so. I’m one of the few brothers left that’s actaully attracted to black women who look like BOTH of their parents are black as well. I’m pretty sure that’s the case with other races. Bottom line is, whites, latinos, asians, etc aint checkin for sistahs. You dont cast a wider net because you can’t. Not trying to be a jerk here, but it’s like your girlfriend threatening to leave you for her imaginary friend. C’mon son.

    We’ve recently been bombarded with special after special on Dateline, 20/20, etc highlighting the trouble that professional, “successful”, black women are having finding a husband or even a boyfriend. Most of these women can barely remember the last “meaningful” relationship they’ve been. However, given all the trouble they’re experiencing in the land of romance they seem to always find a way to blame everybody but themselves. Now, I’ll be the first to admit the we (the brothers) have a lot of growing and changing to do ourselves. But the problem is, for the most part, we’re happy (I know I am). I’m not crying at weddings because I wish it were me. I’m not asking the lord to send a special someone into my life before I go to bed. I’m not scared ishless about what I’ll do in 20 years if I’m not married with a family. So I’m not hard pressed to make a change. For most sistahs that is not the case. So if I get A’s in school and you get F’s shouldn’t you be the one who has to study harder and not me? I’m just saying…

  10. 11 Rose
    February 26, 2010 at 12:14 pm

    I had to go back and reread what you wrote SIS, because the last gentleman’s comments were, let’s say, diverse.

    How in the hell did a simple yet astute observation that, “Men go after what they want. That’s their nature. If he’s not pursuing you, he’s likely not that into you,” turn into a commentary about interracial dating, soul searching, race, marriage, rejection, the media and Drew Brees???LOL

    With all due respect bruh, your opinion is valid, but off topic; which I suspect is why these “conversations” about relationships continue to get muddled and deeply disconnected.

    SIS, I couldn’t agree with you more. That’s a script I have no interest in following. *shrug*

  11. 12 Stan
    February 26, 2010 at 7:10 pm

    Good post SISTAH1! I agree the game is changing.
    I encourage all the ladies to fight the urge to be the pursuer, when you don’t it sets the tone for you to do all the work, encourages men to be lazy, and never leads anywhere productive. If I can sit back and let all the weight fall on your shoulders why would I ever want to change that. It may get you somebody, but in the end it won’t lead to a relationship you’re proud of or one that anyone can respect.

    Another thought…Does anyone have a goal or destination that’s mutually agreed upon when they start a relationship? If you go with the thought of traditional roles of men leading and women being pursued, I see many women set themselves up for frustration from jump because they agree to entering relationships without destinations, which is usually fine for a man.

    Can you blame the taxi driver for going around in circles and not getting you to where you want to go, when you happily got in, agreed to ride and asked him to drive off without giving a destination?

    My two cents!

  12. May 24, 2010 at 1:38 pm

    I am old fashion too because I love the gender roles. I will wait because I will not support a man. Love the piece. http://www.jorkey.wordpress.com.

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