Why Married Women Shouldn’t Feel Guilty

Do my married friends feel guilty because they’re wed, and I’m not? It seems like a ridiculous notion, but I actually came across an article in which a married woman expressed “betrother’s guilt.”

“It’s like survivor’s guilt but it strikes people who’ve partnered up and gotten hitched, leaving their equally deserving single friends with no one to spoon on frigid nights like these.” She asks, “Why should I be blessed with a guy who turns me on and tolerates my considerable freakiness when so many of my hotter, younger, and far nicer friends are still solo-and-searching?” (See entire article.)

Before I reacted to the article, I checked with some of my married friends to gauge how popular this sentiment was.

I’m happy to report that my friends feel no guilt about their married status, and I assured them that they should not.

The reasons why they shouldn’t feel guilt seem obvious. I’d compare it to feeling guilty that you have a house when your friend has a condo. It doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. Does it?

What’s not so obvious are the reasons why a wife would feel guilty about her friend’s single status.

My only assumption is that the writer feels like married is a better state to be in. After all, who doesn’t want to spoon? (That was sarcasm.) As a friend, I guess she wants that “blessing” for her single gal pal, who seems to be ready to settle down. For the writer, it’s probably less like comparing a house to a condo and more like comparing a hoopty to a show-room floor Bentley.

However, this SIS tends to feel like singleness is just a different status, not necessarily an inferior one. I know some single women who agree with me and others who won’t be at peace until they’re hitched.

The truth is that it’s an individual call, but the majority of single women I know aren’t terribly focused on marriage. When it comes to relationships, they are more concerned with meeting a guy that adds something substantial to their lives and will make them even happier. Then and only then is the idea of walking down the aisle even entertained. Whether that does or does not happen, they are living fulfilling lives as solo sistahs.

Yeah, we date in the same way that a professionally satisfied exec might occasionally circulate the resume to see what else is out there. If something just right presents itself, then a new opportunity is welcome. If not, we’re fine just staying where we’re at.


3 Responses to “Why Married Women Shouldn’t Feel Guilty”

  1. 1 Tassel Daley
    December 30, 2009 at 7:51 pm

    I love your article.

  2. December 31, 2009 at 10:08 am

    So far…it just sounds like she doesn’t know how to find the balance. The guilt is her not knowing how to still be a friend.

    Married WOMEN: Just be the friend you were before you got married when you do have a moment to kick it with the girls. Don’t look at them and think, “Girl, we have to get you married.” Like babies, God makes marriages. While married women want their girls to have someone to “Boo-up” with on cold nights, more importantly, married women should want the very best for their girlfriends (single or not) and lend a hand or volunteer a husband to shovel snow if he’s close by (smile).

    The woman in the article needs to “Man Up” and be a friend. I should send this lady a hug.

  3. 3 Machelle Thomas
    December 31, 2009 at 2:58 pm

    With me being married is a big plus for me right now because that is something I would like to happen in my life right now or someday.I have never experienced having a boyfriend I guess that’s something that wasn’t meant to happen.So,I never really felt like I had missed out on that part!I have a single lady friend like myself who wants the same thing as me,marriage one day.I don’t feel comfortable with being around people that are attached in some kind of way,like married,or who has a boyfriend because it makes me feel so left out.I’m just saying…I’m just smiling!

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