Confessions of an Online Dater


Quiet as it’s kept, I have more than a handful of friends who have tried online dating. They’ve all sworn me to secrecy, and the reason is obvious. Online dating is often perceived as the last hope of the desperate, the one unexplored frontier that a SIS resorts to when all else has failed.

I’m not sure why online dating has such a stigma. I’m constantly asked whether I’ve “found” a man, as if I should be out searching under rocks with a magnifying glass, so why would an online service, such as e-Harmony, be a stone left unturned?

Online dating is a rational option, but still one that a lot of black women approach apprehensively.

I think maybe pop culture’s fascination with romance has something to do with the reluctance. When women dream about telling their children how they met daddy, they don’t fantasize “online” as the response.

If given a choice, most women would prefer to meet their mates on a college campus like Dwayne and Whitley, at a spoken word event a la “Love Jones” or on the job like Barack and Michelle.

There’s something about that initial attraction — that “Godfather” thunderbolt – that causes the spine to tingle, the heart to skip a beat and launches the whole romantic courtship. Who wouldn’t want that?

We want to be able to tell stories about eye contact across a crowded room and love at first sight. However, the truth is that the thunderbolt is rare, and even when it does occur, it doesn’t always lead to anything substantial. In this day and age, it’s more likely to meet that perfect guy on a social networking or dating site, and that hardly seems as desperate as, let’s say, sitting at a bar hoping Mr. Right buys you a drink.

You might also be surprised to find out how many happy relationships started online. When that’s the result, people are a little more prone to fess up. However, even without the success stories, there are a few of us who don’t mind admitting we tried the online thing. For this SIS, it resulted in one date, but I wouldn’t rule out trying it again. It’s just another way to meet eligible singles, and if nothing else, I can assure my inquisitive pals that I have looked, magnifying glass and all.


2 Responses to “Confessions of an Online Dater”

  1. November 17, 2009 at 4:48 pm

    I don’t mind admitting I’ve tried online dating! Actually, a lot of people I know have. I think it’s lost a lot of its stigma. Don’t get me wrong, there’s still a whiff of “lame” clinging to it occasionally, but I think that’s changing fast. Of course, maybe that’s just in my neck of the woods. It’s a pretty acceptable way to meet someone around here.

  2. March 28, 2010 at 2:57 am

    I certainly agree with you! Even though it may not be that stereotypical story of a love in a lifetime, online dating may help you find the one you are looking for.

    By the way, cool blog! I will certainly be keeping up with it!

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