I’m Baby Registry Challenged

I just came from a baby shower.

It may sound sexist, but as a woman, there are just some things I feel women should automatically know how to do. I think being able to prepare a decent meal is among those things. It doesn’t have to be an entire Thanksgiving dinner, but entrees that can be prepared in the microwave don’t count.

I also think all dudes should know how to change a tire, but don’t ask me where I’m getting this from. I guess it’s just society’s institutionalized gender roles getting the best of me.

Anyway, I’m fine with most traditionally “female” duties, but I fall short when it comes to shopping for baby stuff. Not that I think all women should necessarily be good at shopping, but searching for baby gifts just reminds me how little I know about infants.

I scan the registry and decide to purchase the diaper tower and bottle warmer, but go to the listed aisle and realize I’ve no idea what these items even look like, which makes it that much more difficult to identify and purchase them. I think I’d know what breast pumps look like, but I can’t even type the words without imagining how uncomfortable that must be, so I avoid those. I usually stick to pacifiers and bibs.

Baby shower registries give me the same WTH? feeling I get when I take my car into the shop. Doesn’t it just need oil and gas? When did power steering fluid enter the picture? Hoses and belts? Is all this really necessary?

When it comes to vehicles, I just call my dad. However, when it comes to buying for babies, I’m urged to hang in there when that voice in my head says, “You should know this. You’re a woman.” Then, I hear Chaka and Whitney serenading me, assuring me that “It’s all in me.” So, I search for the weaning cup, the pacigrips and the Lipil powder realizing that there’s a huge question mark hovering over my head.

“Perplexed” is the word that comes to mind.

However, I realize that one day I may need to know this stuff – if not for me, than for my future nieces, nephews and godchildren. So, I think of it as a learning experience. I roam the aisles slightly overwhelmed, examining the strange baby paraphernalia and wondering how moms make it look so easy.

“Awe” is the word that comes to mind.

Then, I buy a gift card.

Is Single Motherhood a Wise Option?

I stumbled upon this article today, and several things came to mind. Not the least of which was, “Really? Haven’t I been seeing articles like this since second grade when I was using the newspaper as my finger painting canvas?” Sigh.

The article, like many before it, offers statistics on how poorly many blacks are doing achieving the “American Dream.” According to a study done by a Harvard professor, male incarceration, lack of educational opportunities and single-parent households are factors that have led to or are a result of our community’s troubles. According to the scholar, 70% of black children are born to single mothers.

A second study, this one from the Educational Testing Services’ “Black-White Achievement Gap,” is quoted in the article and suggests that “increasing marriage rates and getting fathers back into the business of nurturing children” is one way to improve the chances of young people in our communities.

The studies’ findings made me wonder: for the SIS who is more interested in Baby Right than Mr. Right, is planning to have a child out of wedlock a wise choice?

I am not “over the hill,” but even at my youthful age, I’ve been asked whether I’ve considered having children on my own. Just last year my younger cousin, an HBCU undergraduate, not-so-subtly hinted that it was time for me to pop him out some new kinfolk. I responded that I’d like to be married first. His comeback: “That’s antiquated.”

I know several successful and healthy adults who are products of single-parent homes. So, while the study results included in the aforementioned article are depressing, there is living proof that one person – especially with the help of extended family – can do a fantastic job rearing a child.

However, as one close friend of mine consistently tells me, “It’s hard.” She remembers her mom’s struggles and doesn’t recommend it.

So, there you have the SIS’s dilemma.

Should she miss out on motherhood just because there’s no marriage? Does she forge ahead and have a child on her own when she’s ready, or is that the selfish decision, realizing that her child might face more struggles and disadvantages being raised in a single-parent home?

Some suggest adoption is the answer for the SIS, but this option doesn’t solve for the single-parent household issue. If both parents raising a child is the Holy Grail, then adoption still falls short of that ideal.

Honestly, my biological clock is ticking very softly. Having children is not something I spend lots of time thinking about, but I don’t doubt there will come a time when the alarm sounds, and I think I’ll hear the bells loud and clear whether I’m married or still single.